Connecting Hands. - Comments

This is a very well written sweet story. I love your writing style with which you have wrote this one shot. Simone's easy voice telling the story really paints a beautiful picture of how she fell in love with Josh and how they got to together. Your writing flows really well and the concepts displayed are really interesting. There's not many stories on mibba that tackle the concepts of racisim and you do it really well. The only criticism I can give is that you could maybe have included more details about how people have or wanted to prosecute them throughout the story as well as at the end so that it would make more sense as to why Simone would immediately think the car crash was due to racisim, but that's just my opinion. Apart from that well done (:

"Looking at him now... I feel numb. In that hospital bed, looking vulnerable and defeated... it broke me."
My stomach dropped when I read this. The story went from lively and happy to gloomy almost instantly. I really loved this. From the very beginning, I was hooked and couldn't stop reading. The story really flowed well and I thought the ending was just perfect.
Good job! (:

The flow of this is brilliant, I was drawn into the story with your descriptions and I could really feel for the characters.
This piece is adorable, and you can really see their emotions for each other.
Great Job.

I love this. It flows well and is easy to read. I really feel Simone's anxiety and fear for Josh, and I think it's just too adorable the way he's in the hospital and still asking her if she's okay.

Great job :)

I liked how you told their whole story in a little amount of time.

I didn't expect the ending. I liked its unexpectedness.

I didn't really pay attention if there were any errors.

you had a loooot of grammatical errors and little typos that made it hard to focus on the actual story. that was an issue for me, just because i'm a bit of a grammar nazi.
I just don’t seem to bond easily with the male sex. I don’t really like having my heart broken and being betrayed by supposed friends.
this seemed to come out of pretty much no where. the story was just simple remembering and then you added a lot of emotional baggage from simone in there. it was random and didn't seem to fit well.

this is a pretty good oneshot, it's cute and sad, and you wrote it well, except for the typos. :3

I enjoyed this. I've never read a a story like this before. The way that you incorporated the picture into the story was very clever. The emotional issues were handled very well and were just enough without being over the top.

Like Sutefi said, there were a few typos but aside from those it was well written.

I really enjoyed this. I was hooked from the very beginning. You have a nice, simple, but effective writing style. It was very emotional, and I like how the ''issue'' of them being mixed race was only mentioned at the end . . . kinda shows it was never a problem for them before the accident. There were a few typo's especially in the later half which made it a bit difficult to read at times, but it was otherwise well-written.

This was very well-written :D You moved the story along at a nice pace and didn't get off track or try to hurry things up. I also love the first person POV because it really let us inside Simone's head so we could understand exactly what she was thinking/feeling. And, of course, the storyline is beautiful and adorable. Sad, of course, but I love the underlying message of the whole thing.

Well done!

This was really nice. I love how she won't let anything get in the way of their love, and it's pretty contrary to what you see nowadays. Great idea, and nicely written :)

I feel terrible that this comment might suck since I've read this before, but I'll try, haha! I read this a few months back, and honestly, my other comments hasn't changed. It's gorgeous and beautiful and easy to relate to. It's so emotional - but in a good way! It's not all about sobbing and emo-ish junk, like, omfg my life is sux0r.
Not making sense over here, but still, I love it :D Amazing job <3

I loved this! Really, it was so emotional and your writing style just adds to the awesomness of this. I really liked it. It's easy to relate to like Alexander said. Great job, it was an enjoyable read. <3

I love this one-shot. It's so sweet and innocent. Simone is so realistic and an amazing character. She's very easy to relate to also. I loved all the emotions portrayed in this one-shot; very cute! I really enjoyed reading this (: <3

Although you said you've checked the story several times, I still saw several mistakes. It's not like the whole story is filled with them, but it is too much for my liking. Maybe another look over and you'll catch them this time around. If not you could PM me and I can help, if you'd like? (:

Other than that, the story as a whole is really good. It's sweet and innocent. The emotion of Simone is realistic and easily understood. You wrote her very well. I like this story. Good luck with the contest. :D

20/20 for grammar
3/3 for layout
15/15 for detail
4/5 for inspiration

Haha I use the pic on purpose and u did a good job with it. Only list one point good job and I loved it!

I really enjoyed this. I haven’t read anything like this on Mibba before, and I was sad when it ended xD I have to point out that this would make an incredibly awesome full-length, chaptered story.

I noticed that a few times, you wrote “your” instead of “you’re”, but that’s all the grammatical errors that I noticed. I loved the way such a long amount of time was described in a one-shot, but at the same time, it wasn’t dragged out or boring. You put all the appropriate things in and kept it flowing and interesting, and you did such a good job portraying all of the emotions. It was a really nice story, and I loved the hope at the end of it. Well done =]