November 25th, 2011 at 11:10pm
HOLY TAMOLE.
Only a few strange mistakes hardly noticable. and otherwise, amazing. I wouldn't go for a single word down the list each time, but I think it's okay with this one. You tied each stanza together beautifully.
The blood,
and the tears,
and the snot,
could be wiped away.
But not the scars,
the bruises,
the fear,
the constant buzz.
One of my favorite parts. It took a little long to get to Angela and that transition was a little odd. From the abuse straight to the angel, you know? But it did enough, I think, and I really didn't have any issues with this. Everythingw as written beautifully. Some pieces were left vague, and other pieces gave very detail. I would have preferred another word to 'offer herself' as well, because it didn't fit in with the artistry you'd fabricated and turned out a little strange, I guess. But other than that, just about three mistakes.... I just fell in love with this. The dark undertone really helped, because you added help, you added the angel. I just adored this. Many people today on here write on abuse, and it is horrible, but maybe you added your pain to this, and that's what made this so amazing. I don't know how or anything, but really... You wove a beautiful story together, and I don't think I'll be forgetting it any time soon. I just want to read this over and over- and that's what you want your readers to do. You has talent. :D Great job!
99/100
These are my favorite lines EVER:
"I changed into a pair
of clean clothes,
clothes that didn’t reek
of pain and bitterness and sadness."
"A dark, angry bruise,
like Scott’s mood"
"A little before
my eighteenth birthday,
my mother finally
offed herself." I like this one especially because there's a tone of resignation. Of course, suicide is a terrible thing but as least you're no longer a victim in cases like this. I got all teary eyed...