Paralyzed - Comments

I love this:D
But it's so sad...I can't imagine not being able to walk...that would be....devastatingDX And quite tragic, but I love the way you captured everything in this, it was absoulutely A-M-A-Z-I-N-G(:

[By the way, this isn't a swap, even though you commented on my journal, you didn't say anything about swapping, I just wanted to read something of yours^.^]

Wow.

That was really sad but I loved it.

Okay, first, why haven't I read this before?! WHY. I must be going loony. Hahaha x] Anyways, I love how it switches between the doctor's words and her own thoughts, feelings, and whatever she's doing at the moment. However, it made me so sad when I read this part: “Adrienne, you have Guillain-Barré Syndrome.” I heard that that condition/syndrome/disorder/whatever the hell you wanna call it is so freakin' painful D:
I seriously enjoyed this, however sad it was. Amazing job <3

This was heartbreaking </3 I felt so bad for the poor girl. This was extremely well-written, I especially loved the quotes in-between paragraphs. The setting of this was perfect, and the way you described the rain was beautiful. Really great job on this.

I can’t believe how well written this was. I mean, the way you added snippets of her conversation with the doctor was perfect. It made me understand just what she was thinking better.
You could almost feel her pain. I don’t blame her, I would love to travel but it’s harder if you’re in a wheelchair. I feel great sympathy for her, which is exactly what she doesn’t want. But it’s just heart breaking. The way you set it up with her sitting in the rain, ignoring the brace she was instructed to wear. That last sentence is what made it worse, how the doctor told her flat out what that she was diagnosed with Guillain-Barré Syndrome.That was a disease I had to research once in highschool.

=[

You did an amazing job.

details were great, i loved how after every paragraph there was the dialouge from the doctor....this was just so sad and heart breakingly beautiful to read! I love it! I only saw one tiny error, but hey, this was one of the most beautiful tings that I have ever read! good job!

I’ve gone through and read a few of your other pieces which made me want to read this because your writing thoroughly impresses me. The mood in this is great, sad a glum but not necessarily depressing. I love how you separated the paragraphs with the italicized lines that showed quotes from the doctor, it’s like her thoughts are being interrupted by memories of what he/she had said, like instead of just sitting and thinking about the other things that are being mentioned in the story those few lines keep coming back to her. I thought the structure of this was beautiful and interesting, my only problem was the second to last italicized line that she would probably walk again in a year because that kinda messed up the vibe to me but otherwise I loved it.

Okay. I don't think I've read this one. I've read a few of yours now though.

Anyway, the first thing I noticed with this story, was the banner. I really, really like that picture. That picture alone holds so much emotion. It's very wonderful for this.

And then the story. It was amazing. I liked the combination of thoughts of passed events and events of the present. Rain always just fits so well for sorrow in stories doesn't it? It's raining here right now, as I type this, and I'm thinking about how much I love the rain. But in stories it's so sad.

Anyway, it was very powerful, the imagery was great, and, even as a shorter story, it drew me in well, and it felt complete at the end. Great job!

This was so tragically beautiful, I have to admit.
I love the way you'd have Adrienne's thoughts then obviously something that the doctor had told her. The detail in this was amazing and it was really enjoyable to read.
Wonderful job.

no matter how many [time] – small typo here
I would have preferred if a little more about the Guillain-Barré Syndrome was disclosed in the story because I had to go wiki it and turns out there are lots of different types and I'm not sure which type Adrienne has.
To be honest, I think your other story was better because it had more new insight in it. Here, the syndrome is new to me, but the newness didn't have a “wow” factor because I felt it could have been described a little bit more. I also felt like Adrienne was being selfish here, like there was too much self-pity and “woe is me.” It's understandable, I suppose, because her family and friends didn't believe it at first and this is probably her way of getting back at them or something. But for me, it's just too depressing, especially since it's a one-shot. If this were just part of a bigger story, it would have been okay. But this was very very good in terms of displaying emotion, so, great job on that. :)

Holy crap, this was sad.

I really like the simplicity of the layout and banner. I wished you would have entered the chapter name; 1/1. I think it looks a little off by being to the left. But that's just a personal preference of mine. x]

It's sad that a lot of people who are paralyzed probably feel like Adrienne; like how they'll never visit the world or fulfill their dreams. Especially the part about receiving sympathy from strangers; I bet that would get very frustrating. I often see many people that are in wheelchairs or on leg crutches insist that they do everything on their own.

I wonder at the end when it said her family thought she had been faking could have possibly had anything to do with her paralyzation? Like maybe if they would have took her to the doctor earlier, or maybe even had a little trust and faith in their daughter. Maybe if they had just reacted a little sooner.

And woah, I also never heard of Guillain-Barré Syndrome. I guess that's the scientific and proper name for it? Hmm. x]

Overall, I really liked this. Your writing was clear and it flowed neatly. Great job! Oh, and I could definetly see this being a full blown story, like describing the journey of a young girl paralyzed, despite that fact that this is a one - shot.

A tear trickled down her pale cheek, blending in with the raindrops that hit her like bricks.
So descriptive. I love.

In only a matter of short months, they wouldn’t work, no matter how many time her brain sent that message through her body.
That line right there got me. After I read that line, realization swept over me. Her body wouldn't work. It's such a sad thing to think about, really. :/

“Adrienne, you have Guillain-Barré Syndrome.”
Never heard of that disease, but it sounds like some form of disease you get after doing ballet for too many years Dx

This was really good. I like how you weaved in Adrienne's thoughts with the doctor's words. It made the story more interesting. I'm glad I read this; it was a really good read. :)

I think if you continued this it would be awesome :D I'd love to read about her struggles with being paralyzed, and her family's guilt for not believing her.

This was amazing, beautiful and inspiring.
<3

Wows, I've never read about a disease like that before. You captured all of her emotions perfectly. I honestly almost started crying for her O_O it's looking really, really good so far:)

Holy crap that was amazing. Sad, but amazing. I was drawn right in. I loved the flow and the feelings, it was all pretty real, which not many people can do. :]

I love the way you interspersed the doctor's quotes and I love all the literary elements, even though that's kind of analytical. But when some people try to do all kinds of similes and such, it just doesn't sound natural, but I only really said "Oh, look, that's a simile" the second time I read it. It just flows.

I did have to Google the disease though. Not that that's bad, I'm just not well versed in medicine. Sounds tragic. Oh, and why did it take so long for her to get tested? I know it says her family thought she was joking and all, but if it had progressed that far, it seems like she must've been neglected or something.

Love youuuuu!

I think I'm going to like this character. She seems so cool and strong. Of course the story is tragic, though. Very smoothly written. I like the quotes interspersed between the paragraph. You could maybe potentially possibly build the suspense more with these, but don't get me wrong- it's great as is. Very nice job and I can't wait to see where you go with this :)

Aww, that's really sad. And that sucks that the parents and friends think she's faking. Why would they think that though if the doctors even confirmed it?
Anyway, I loved what you did with the past quotes playing in her mind throughout the story. I always like when people do that. ^^
Great job. :)

Wow, this is amazing!
Seriously. Like, I really love it.
I love the italics in between each paragraph. It gave a poetic feel to it.
The emotions were wonderful.
It was so touching and sad, the poor girl.
I can't wait to read more. I'm subbing.

The was so sad! </3
The poor girl. I felt so sorry for her. I can't even imagine what it would be like to not be able to walk.

I liked how you described how she was feeling in the rain. The imagery was really good.

I really liked the...feel of the story. I don't know if that's the right word or if it makes sense but yeah. xD

Good job :D