Secrets, Bruises, and a Court Date - Comments

ooh! i love it!

lovez it.

-subscribes-

love it!

“Umm... depends really, I mean depends on how much they get done in the studio. I reply while putting some dishes away, still waiting anxiously as well.
once again--forgot the quotes at the end.

“Umm... you have any popsicles?” He asked Hesitantly.
'hesitantly' doesn't need to be capitalized.

I hand him a popsicle and put the rest back in the freezer. Next thing I know walks in Gerard. Here comes the anger and an explanation.

Ou, wanna see how this turns out. O.O
more?xoxo

Very, very, very much better. :]

You just forgot quotes after Gerard said something at the beginning of the chapter, and used a period insead of a comma, also at the beginning of the chapter. Remember--you need to put a space after comma's, periods and closing quotes.

:]

more soon?xoxo

YAY!!! I love it!

1. *Ring! Ring!*
First off--it's not right to have that in a story. You could have The phone rang or something, but no AIM words or w.e in stories.
2. You need to capitalize people and places, as well as 'i', when you're making a reverence to the character, in first person. like I went to the mall not i went to the mall You have it good for the most part, just missed it once or twice.
3. Dammit frank you broke it! Stick a comma before and after Frank, and capitalize his name. Damn it it two words. :]
4. It's a bit easier to distinguish thoughts from everything else if you italicize it.
5. I think it's a bit too soon for Jen to be so comfortable around the boy. I think she should be kind of wary with him and stuff, seeing as how she also should be a bit wary w/ Gerard.

The story is progressing quite nicely, though. :]
more soon?xoxo

yay!! i love the new chapter!!!

ahg! i love it!! please update soon!

Vey much better chapter. :] stuttered is S-T-U-T-T-E-R-E-D, not S-T-U-D-D-E-R-E-D, thats a different word, I believe. Now just go a bit more into descriptions--you'll be AMAZED how much better stories are with good descriptions. :]xoxo

nice update aunt Kathy. u r definitely older. by the way i subscribed to the story

SHOCKER!!!!!!! i love this story already!!!! oh, i forgot 2 subscribe last time, gotta do that now! lol. *subscribes* =D

-subscribes-xoxo

This story has a great plotline and I see a future for it. But, you have some grammar problems and such...okay, this is what you had for the first paragraph:

" see ya later sugar" Gerard said as he walked out the door.

"love you!" jen called after him.

Jennifer and Gerard have been together for 4 years and expecting a little one in 2 weeks.
jennifer stands there waiting gor her husband to return. Gerard opens the door
"i forgot my coffee" he said and grabbed it from his wife.
"later baby , ill call u later" he said giving her one last kiss and went out the door.

This is what you should have:

“See you later sugar." Gerard says as he walked out the door.

"Love you!" Jen calls after him.

Jennifer and Gerard have been together for four years and expecting a little one in two weeks. Jennifer stands there waiting for her husband to return. Gerard opens the door.

"I forgot my coffee." He says and grabs it from his wife.

"Later baby, I’ll call you later." He says giving her one last kiss and went out the door.

You switch from past to present tense, so you should just stick to one, in the edit i made it present tense.

just read you chapters over, run your chapters through word, re-read again, and you should be fine. Add some descriptions, but kind of blend them into the story.

Well that could just be a quinky dink, i mean there are alot of people who look alike right?..............

also, you dont need all the ........., three would be good. :]xoxo

i agree with mcrfob915 and unicornsxxxexist!!!!!!! this is gonna be awesome!!!! YAY! lol. update! :D

great start more soon please!

AWESOME !!!!! AWESOME DUDE!!!!!!!