Hope. - Comments

"The same boy who despite changed in physical appearance still remained our son." Changed should be changes. Just trying to help with things like that.

As for the story itself, I absolutely adored it. It was beautiful. I went through a phase of writing tragedies with hopeful endings last year and this makes me think of them. It was wonderfully written.

Also, another commenter said they believed the nurse was rude and unprofessional but as the daughter of a nurse, a girl who has spent a lot of time at the hospital, and a future nurse, that's just the way it would be handled. (Polite but firm.)

Well done.

Personally, I found the layout quite confusing and distracting, so I've set it to default.

The beginning is heartbreaking - I can hear it like it's a voiceover paired with a dark screen for the start of a film - and I'm curious as to what happened to the little boy. The mother speaks of him with so much love and affection that it's sort of breaking my heart. I'm almost curious as to if he was stricken with cancer or something of that sort.

The father's love is so wonderful, it's weird almost to see that they're together since you know all of those stories who have like a single parent and such. The praying thing is absolutely wonderful, oh my god. I can imagine that if it was a child who could've been lost that my extended family would do the same, it's wonderful and just realistic and perfect.

Jack's okay, yaaay! I'm curious as to what he had still, but the hope and how that kept being reiterated was absolutely wonderul and just... right. I can see it as a short film and its just heartbreaking with always that bit of hope in it until it just envelopes us all.

Awesome.

This was really good, very sweet. I actually have a story about the death of a child too but I think that you pulled it off a lot better. I thought the picture in you layout was amazing, it fit the story really well and yeah, it was a bit distracting at first, but you get pulled into the story enough not to notice as you're reading it. There were a couple typs here and there and one tense change near the middle so I think if you went over this, it would make this so much more effective than it already is and it would be just perfect. You had me crying at one point there, and that rarely happens, so good job. You made it incredibly believable.

This is so beautiful. I have no other words.

This was a very nice, inspiring story to read. It was heartbreaking to find out that someone was dying, but I could sort of tell from the start that something was going wrong. The story still has a lot of choppy errors, some of your sentences don't flow very well, and your dialogue needs to be edited. For example, when the nurse is asking them to leave, it sounds wrong. It should be something like "We need you to leave the room." Not, "Excuse me leave." That's so grammatically incorrect.

I think maybe you should elaborate on what his disease or sickness is, unless you want to leave your readers guessing. Also, the layout background takes away from the whole story. It could be used as a banner instead, it would look much nicer.

I agree with hurrican eyes, the picture would have made the layout beautiful if it was a banner. But I have to say, this story is amazing and so full of emotion. The storyline is really rare and I haven't seen a story quite like this before. Good job(:

I agree with what was said above; although the picture was adorable, I think it would be more effective if used as a banner, instead of the background.

The actual story, though, was downright beautiful. The language was perfect, it was just heartbreaking yet so wonderful and it just made my heart ache. I loved it so much. I'd really love to read more.

That was really well written and the emotions were expressed very well, I really liked this. It was so adorable and full of hope. Well done :)

Sorry it's taken me so long to read this but oh God that was beautiful.
Wonderful story!

I don't like the layout at all friend. It's distracting and too bold and blunt for me. Not my kind of thing.

The story however was incredible. There was a lot of powerful emotion and raw detail in there that totally made it for me.

I think this is the best layout I’ve seen with a repeating picture, though I think I’d make it a banner or something if I were you. I think the story itself was pretty good, the concept was really nice and reminds me of a piece I wrote a while ago – parents usually aren’t written about very often on here. I did find some problems throughout though, the main one being the dialog. One particular line that bothered me was the one where the nurse was talking to the parents, she seemed really unprofessional. Anyways, good luck in your contest and this certainly has potential.

I think this is the best layout I’ve seen with a repeating picture, though I think I’d make it a banner or something if I were you. I think the story itself was pretty good, the concept was really nice and reminds me of a piece I wrote a while ago – parents usually aren’t written about very often on here. I did find some problems throughout though, the main one being the dialog. One particular line that bothered me was the one where the nurse was talking to the parents, she seemed really unprofessional. Anyways, good luck in your contest and this certainly has potential.

This is really good.
I thought this was a very unique piece,and I loved the plotline. I think you have written this well to give your idea an even more special touch.
Well done.

This was a very interesting story. Whilst the plot and such were quite unique amongst Mibba, particularly concerning the stable, "companionate" relationship between the protagonist and Michael and of course, the source of pain is the small boy, there seems to be a few issues within the story that are bothering me somewhat. Mostly, the issues are within small details (such as proper punctuation/grammar and a couple of issues within the doctor's actions) but overall, the story is good. I love your characaterisation. The characters feel very real to me and the relationship in particular is very realistic and not exaggerated Romeo and Juliet nonsense. It feels like a couple that have been together for a long time and do indeed love each other without being all disgustingly soppy about it. It's just so refreshing to see that, it's quite wonderful. The punctuation issue arises a mere twice: once there was the splitting of what I read as one sentence [We are both holding his small, limp hands. As if we can both generate more life into him.] and the use of numbers in the middle of dialogue (Pedantic, I know.)

Lovely.