September 6th, 2010 at 10:39pm
First, I absolutely love the layout. It's simple, but doesn't take away from the story. Second, I love the beginning of this, especially this sentence: Maybe her upbringing of soap operas with cheese snacks warped her relationship expectations; as she turns towards her life packed up in the Ute outside, she can almost hear the atmospheric piano music in the background.
I also like Fran. She seems really cool, haha! I think she's my favorite character here.
Anyways, I really enjoyed reading this. Lovely job! <3
I adore your fragmentary narration. It portrays the passage of time and the broken nature of memory - true memory is. It's a technique that you have evidentially mastered in this drabble. I love the subtly of the relationship, the calmness, the coolness of the pair. There's something that makes the characters feel immensely old: that tears, words and all don't need to be said. It's almost as if they are in tune with each other due to being around each other so long, it's not required. It makes the relationship seem more realistic and I really love that.
I also love the little flecks of that different setting. I find it hard to find any stories on Mibba that aren't set in England or the States so this is refreshing. It's just...great.
Wonderful work.