Natural Born Killer - Comments

This was dark... & I loved it! That last line about him not feeling anything, I think was the best! Great work!

You have an incredible way of conveying a flat and uncaring attitude in Zacky throughout the entire piece. His attitude is unchanging, which is difficult in itself. Of course, he is only uncaring about himself, as if nothing can affect him anymore. Not after his friends are gone.

I'm not sure I agree with this as a title (although it is lovely). I personally got the feeling that it was his friends' deaths that changed him. Without his friends around, with that part of himself missing, he became this clone of himself with no feelings. It was because of their absence that he was able to kill at all. I got the feeling that he wouldn't have been able to kill as easily should his friends still be alive.

Besides the title, there is nothing I would have changed. I probably would have liked to see a bit more of his more lively life with his friends, but I understand its absence in accordance with the fact that it's a oneshot.

Good work. Really good work

Agree to the two people below me. Dark and cynical.

It was heartbreaking, but it was buried under all the hatred I had for the Hendersons, brothers and whatnot.

I loved how you have written it, it was deep and very well thought-of. :)

I would have to agree with the comment below me. This was very dark and cynical, but I liked it a lot. It held so much emotion and your story telling was beautiful and well written, so great job with that. I feel like I'm cheating you out of a comment because I am however on a time schedule, but I liked this the most from anything I've read. I will leave a more in-depth comment when I can.

This was extremely dark, but amazingly well written.

To imagine an alternate reality where things went this way after Jimmy's death is pretty confronting, because it honestly doesn't seem all that far fetched. It's kind of like a bad nightmare that any one of them could really have, although I hope for their sake they never did, as it wouldn't be a pleasant experience to wake up from.

I really enjoyed you attention to detail, even though it was written from the point of view of someone so detached from everything around him. It helped sell just how broken and rundown his entire life had become, since feeling as though he'd lost everyone that was ever important to him.

These lines:

The claw-footed cabinet. The dusty chandelier. The numerous empty Jack bottles that littered the coffee table.

really set the scene for me and gave your story that bit of detail that made it seem all the more realistic, which was great.

I especially liked how he seemed so disappointed in Matt for losing control and killing Brian's murderer, effectively leaving Zacky and Johnny alone, but then when it came to him feeling like he had nothing left to lose, he didn't hesitate in doing the same and taking out his anger on the brother of said murderer. Although I couldn't help but feel for Scott, who was simply trying to reach out and apologise for his brothers actions, I could understand Zacky's anger and rash actions that led him to his revenge.

Over all, I found it to be an original and unique story that was very entertaining and worthy of your place in the contest (if not better!), so well done!

That was amazing, it hurts me to think of Brian getting shot, but this was really planned out cool. I also love the banner! c;

Um, yeah. This was definitely the best one I read! I hope you win, I really do. Amazing story!

This was very well written. I loved it a lot.

I started reading his yesterday... or the day before. I've lost track of days again.
Anyway, I never got finished >.<
But now I have and I love/hate you.
I love you for the story, because twas amazing!
I hate you because you killed everyone, in a way >.<

Your writing never ceases to amaze me. ^_^

Xx-IvoryJaied.

Amazing entry! :)

Amazing entry! :)