Enemies Closer - Comments

I'm gunna admit, I wasn't impressed greatly by the first page and I definitely wasn't drawn in but I kept reading anyway. As I went on, I became more and more enticed by the characters and their story lines. I really like this. Great job. :-)

Your writing for this story is really, really good. It's really descriptive, which is surprisingly rare here on Mibba. I didn't notice many mistakes in your writing, either; maybe they were pointed out by people below me, or you're just that awesome. :D

I enjoyed it very much, it makes me want to read more.

Few quick comments?
--ma'am not mam.
Must people don't really know how to spell ma'am so I completely understand misspelling it, it's not the most common word, now, if you start misspelling the or and everytime, then you should worry.

But other than that, it's good.

"Yes mam."
It's actually spelled ma'am. I noticed it twice and it just glared at me. O.o

"Off with you, no.
I think you meant now?

Overall, I really liked this. The first chapter made me think, what's going on, then? What war? What marriage? WHUT?
And the beginning of the second chapter was kind of a slap to the face. I feel like that so often. I was just like, crud, she's spot on. Now I'm all wary about what's going on in my life. XD

I figure I'll leave a comment again when I finish reading, and it will probably be longer because there'll probably be more chapters. I do tend to get behind. X3

I don't notice any errors, which makes me happy.
The only thing I really have to say is about the layout. It's beautiful, but the fact that the text box is wider than the picture kind of annoys me. It's really just me being picky, and has nothing to do with the layout. Good job guys.

I have a lot to say about this story-and that's a very good thing. You give great sensory details and descriptions. The layout is beautiful, It's EXTREMELY well written. During the second chapter when she's giving the "bad feeling" description, I felt what she was sayiing- that doesn't happen often. The plot is amazing, and you have me on the edge of my seat-wanting more. I can relate and sympathize with both Maris and Aislinn. Also, Aislinn is my personal favorite so far. (:

Needless to say, I'm subscribing. I can't wait for more!

The first chapter was merely mind blowing and I loved it as it did set a tone to the story and starting it off with a suspenseful vibe.

I did intact read the second chapter and it was priceless. Beautifully done.

Great writing skills, its quite refreshing. I hope you continue I'm subscribing :)

Oh wait, I already read this.

I guess this is just a "keep it up" comment. I really, really like this story, and I'd hate to see you lose your steam. Keep going! I really want to see you finish this. It's some sinister tactic I have. So many writers just quit in the middle of a good story.

Don't do that, man. Be hard.

The story layout is phenomenal. I have no clue how you made it look that good and I'm not even going to ask because it's probably something super-duper complicated.

"There's a prickly sensation on the nape of my neck, and most nights I jerk awake with the smell of sweat thick in the air." I love how you use very simple verbs and adjectives to define a very powerful sensation. It takes a lot of skill to do that.

Great first two chapters. I'm subscribing!

I really, really love the layout <3
Aww, she's getting married to someone :)
I really like how she explains the ring,
it shows that she's really found of it,
and therefore really found of the person :)
I like how you said Maris's voice was an alto
I'm in choir, so I appreciate little things like that
I absolutely loved the first chapter,
wonderful job! :D

So I've just read the first chapter, and that author is beautiful. I'm in awe with the words and with the way the chapter read. The significance of the ring and the way you described the way the light reflected it made it sound into something so beautiful instead of just a ring and light beaming off of it. Also the significance of being ready, that was something that really made me want to continue reading this further. It's an incredible start and I look forward to the rest of it. :)

One thing though, when she says that she is ready she would be nodding her head then, instead of shaking it, yeah?

OMG. You guys should start writing, because this story looks like it's going to be really good!

Wow. It looks amazing. Let's get writing! :)