Selfishness - Comments

Dude.
I cried. D:
That was beautiful.

Jaycie, you know I love you dear. But...I'm afraid to say...THAT WAS FREAKING AMAZING(: You silly silly girl to think its bad(;
It was great(:

This is fabulous. :)

At first I thought the words and such felt a little stiff, but on the second read, I can really feel the emotion pumping through its wordy veins. :) After a lover's death, it seems fitting the enviorment you've placed Ella in; how the family is gone, and Ella is wallowing in her solitude. It's just perfect. You had me crying at the end.</3 It was that amazing.

I wished for a more personal layout--maybe something to accent the story or mood--but this was fine. ( :

I didn't see a single grammar or spelling error which made my heart smile like Reb's. It's like we get this fabulous story and perfect grammar? Gah, you're amazing.<3 . :D

The emotion portrayed here was wonderful, really.
Your last line, Ella sunk to her knees, and started to cry. was so... gah!
Wonderfully written, emotional descriptions and the pain experienced by the main character was so real.
Great work!

Finds it hard to believe that this is your first story dealing with loss as I think the anger, sadness and loss Ella displays is very authentic. You've started with a great beginning which is very intriguing and has me looking forward to and interested in the rest of the story. I was genuinely shocken when I read that Helen had killed herself, I like how we already know quite a lot about Ella as a character aswell which is really important in stories and I think you've done that very well. The fact that she struggles to hold her emotions in a first before caving in to her anger shows a lot about the person is. I think you've written a great start to engage the reader and now I'm looking forward to seeing where you take it next.

The atmosphere for this was absolutely perfect. Every sentence was thought out well and needed. No unnecessary detail or anything. Ella's thoughts and emotions were laid out well. Her frustrations and grief were all present. Throughout the story, I wanted something more from her though but at the end, I was definitely satisfied. Not satisfied that she was crying though. Anyway, a great well thought out one shot!

You managed to get a whole lot of emotion and thought into this one shot, something that is rare, you should be proud of that. As for the rest of the story...it really seemed lacking in detail and imagery. The whole thing was spaced apart when you could have made several more paragraphs, which can really change the tone and feel of a good story. You might want to work on that bit in the future.

That was great, you could feel it emotionally, the description felt real, and it engaged the reader, well done :D

You have no reason to be nervous that this isn’t good. I thought it was excellent. The emotion that you put into every single sentence was clearly conveyed and you told a huge story in such a short piece. I really enjoyed it =] It made me fill up at the end. I liked the way you ended it, with her accepting what had happened and just crying. That sentence was just so full of grief and hopelessness and it was a really stunning way to finish this one-shot.

I didn’t see any grammar or spelling errors at all, which made my heart smile =D I’m almost disappointed that this was so short because I could have easily read more, but on the other hand, I think its length was part of its charm. Beautifully written and very, very touching. Well done! =D