Unspoken - Comments

  • SomethingLeftToGive

    SomethingLeftToGive (100)

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    Age:
    31
    Location:
    United States
    ...wow. That was absolutely amazing and so intense. Everything just seemed so real
    September 10th, 2010 at 01:06am
  • hoosier.

    hoosier. (100)

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    Age:
    29
    Location:
    United States
    first.
    thank you for joining our contest!
    thank you for getting your entry in soon, seeing how the deadline is my birthday.
    once less entry to review on my day! :3

    on to the review. >:3

    ok.
    so i'm in love with this layout.
    it's simple, i love what you did with the photo.
    you sure did interpret the actually photo into your story, which i loved.
    i liked how you didn't just use it as a banner, it was different.
    kudos to you on that.

    everything in this story flowed so beautifully.
    you're wording was really good, and i could feel the emotion of your characters.
    i was a bit confused at first,
    but i quickly got the main idea of the story.
    you did write a whole, lovely story in a few words.
    and i appreciate that.
    i loved the detailing, and it was terrifically done.
    good job, overall.

    i didn't notice grammar/spelling issues.
    and i thank you for being literate.

    to wrap this up,
    i loved the story.
    i loved the layout.
    you did a very fantastic job.
    you gave this photo justice, and it makes me smile.

    terrific job!
    and thank you for entering darling.
    September 7th, 2010 at 11:06pm
  • animal soup

    animal soup (100)

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    Member
    Gender:
    Age:
    32
    Location:
    United States
    Firstly, thank you so much for deciding to enter our contest,
    and even more so for getting your entry in so soon!
    It definitely shows your maturity as a writer,
    and both Britney and I appreciate that. (:
    On to the actual comment!

    First off,
    I really liked the layout.
    The colors were simple and went well together,
    so thank you for making everything easy to read and such.
    The only thing that I didn't like was the fact that is was really hard to see the photo.
    When we said use the pictre in the layout,
    we were more talking about it being in the story area, as a banner,
    Perhaps you could change that little factor?
    If you don't know how you can always PM me and I can explain it. (:

    I thought the wording and descriptions within this entry were quite beautiful.
    The raw emotions felt by your characters was easy to feel,
    and also to relate to. It takes a lot to convey a full story in such few words,
    and I think you pulled that task off well.
    Taking the actual physical characteristics of each man,
    and detailing them so well was a nice twist.
    I loved the way you described their actions, and desires.
    Good job there, definitely.

    I didn't notice many spelling or grammar issues,
    so thank you very much for proof reading this!
    It means a lot to contest judges, truuust me.

    Once again,
    I very much liked how well everything meshed and flowed.
    Your decriptions were just lovely,
    and I enjoyed the way you used your photo as a large focus of the plot.

    I think the last line of the entry was my favorite over all:
    "I let a small smile show, my eyes locking with his; the moment they do, something within me breaks—I think this is love."

    I found your wording in that line to be very well phrased,
    and I think this is a lovely way to end the piece.

    Well done, thank you once more for entering,
    and good luck! <3
    September 5th, 2010 at 05:55am