The City Sleeps in Flame - Comments

I liked this. It was very... out there.
You should definitely write more one - shots like this. :] Just sayin'.

I think this is really good. When you started describing the smell, I thought I could actually smell it, even if you "couldn't find words to describe it." And I love the little details like the trail the teardrop left on the girl's cheek. This is really good. :)

Once again you've used an Earth element and I loved it.
You used the right amount of detail and did a great job with adding in the fire!
This line made me grimace,
Burning flesh was something she had never thought she’d smell.
Take it in a good way, because I was able to imagine this happening to me, which I loved, because thats always a cool thing in my book :)
Great job xoxo

High five!(:
It was beautifully written and the imagery was fantastic.<3<3
I love you.

This was awesome. I loved how you described everything. I almost felt like I could smell the burning flesh, which was disgusting, and my eyes were stinging from the smoke.

I found a few sentences that seemed a bit too long. Like this one:

Everything was hidden by the cloak of night and a layer of thick, black smoke and the only thing cutting through it was the flames as they leaped from one building to the next.

It seemed a bit awkward and interrupted the flow you had for the rest of the story. Maybe split it into two sentences?

Anyways, I loved it. I'm glad you decided to write something outside your comfort zone, because this worked out very well.

I agree with Taken_By_Nightfall too, you could totally make this into a chaptered story x]

Awesome job, m'dear.

Wow this was utterly brilliant!! I loved this so much.....you are an excellent writer, keep it up!! Add me as a friend:)

Sad stories always work good, I know. Awesome job!!!

Incredible! And the picture suits it perfectly! Very well written. I liked your descriptions and the obvious amount of thought you put into this. That poor girl. :( It raises a lot of question though: How did it happen? Why is the city burning? How had she and her elder brother escaped? Who else survived? What happened to the rescue team? Where will they go now? What will they do? I'm dying for answers I will never get!!!

Lovely work.

~Michelle.

PS. You realize that, because of all the questions it raised, this short story has the potential to bloom into something not-short-at-all? Well, all that matters is that it was amazing. Congratulations. I think you benfitted by stepping out of your comfort zone. You did really well. *Claps* :D