September 18th, 2010 at 02:11pm
Interesting story, you've laid it out and begun it well and I can already see the plot's building up as you drop more hints and forgotten memories of Jane's past. I can also see you've really started to develop your own unique writing style, which is very engaging and easy to read. Just a few small grammatical errors, (in the last chapter you still need to miss a line by some of the paragraphs) that I'm sure you'll pick up on if you read over what you've written so far, like:
“Theses, I believe belong to you.” Julia handed them over. I placed them on my bedside table and hurried downstairs for dinner. - Theses should be these...
Another small suggestion is that you could maybe try researching aerobics dancing becaus eI know such a thing obviously exists and it's a great original sport to chose for the main subject of a story, I'm just sure there's an official name for it, and research will probably open up more techniques and possibilities for your story. but of course you don't have to.
Anyway I think you've got a great first couple chapters, this story has a lot of potential and i can't wait to see what you do with it :) Update soon! x
Aside from the layout (I didn't like that much,) this is wonderful.
Your writing is great and I'm anxious to see where this is going to go!
Update soon, please?