September 12th, 2010 at 10:03pm
I really liked this story, and how you wrote it. It's a very well-written piece. The only real criticism that I have is that it really reminds me of a TV show called La Femme Nikita that was on in the '90s, but I'm sure that's just a coincidence or something because most people I know haven't watched that show or heard of it before.
The way you described the emotions, and your word choice, was brilliant to me. I really felt what Brian was feeling. It made me want to see him succeed at the end of the story, and I am very interested to see more of this story, if you choose to write more. ^_^
Thanks for writing it, and good luck in the contest. ^_^
As the concept began to develop in the story, I definitely began to get into it. Spy, assassins and stories of the sort are very rare to come upon. It was a good concept and a very enjoyable read, a few minor typos but nothing too bad at all.
The subtle mention of the magnolia was there and it wasn't huge but the way you used it in the story line just made it work. Though I do have to say I chuckled a bit at the thought of Brian having a flower tattoo with all the monsters. XD
It was a good story over all and I liked how each character played their part, it seemed that Zacky and Brian's relationship is as strong as it possible could be. Being in such a society and Zacky hiding him at the risk of his own life certainly reigns true to what I think they'd do for each other out of fiction if such a job existed for them.
Good luck!