its really cute, but i think it needs more spice.. lol, like gerard tries more things with frank and then frank tries it back.. lol, you know? hehe, loved it! please write more!?
Honestly, I don't like frerads. The whole thing is very over-used on this website. However, I said I would read and I did.
Being a story editor, I would point out your mistakes in the Report section, but I'll just do it here. If you don't fix them, though, I will do what I normally do.
- Watch your pronouns and capitalization. Every time you say 'i' it should be capitalized. Even if it doesn't start the sentence. Also, every sentence starts with a capital letter.
- Contractions. Watch out with them. Cant, wont, Im should call be like: can't, won't and I'm.
- When you do the he said, I said after dialogue there should be a comma. Not a period. This is wrong: "Oh no, Frankie lost his eyeliner. This is a tradidy." I said joking around. It should be: "Oh no, Frankie lost his eyeliner. This is a tradidy," I said, joking around.
- Watch your spelling. In that last example I gave you, there is a mispelled word. If you don't use Word or Apple Works, there is a spell check button at the top left hand of every page here on Mibba. Please use that.
- In the last chapter - it should be you're, not your. I'm pretty sure you wanted to say, "You are a mess" (that's when you use you're).
Tbh, I didn't like it. I don't like frerards unless they're super good and have an original plot line. But I'll give you some tips on getting readers. Maybe to get more readers you could give the story an actual title. 'Another Frerard Lullaby' doesn't really give the readers any idea what the story is about. When someone is looking on the Story Boards they're looking at the title. If the title isn't interesting, they won't read. Also, a summary. Try to give it a summary like published books do. If I were a fan of frerads, got passed the title and clicked, I would be turned away. I would want to know about the story a little bit before I even begin to read.
So...please fix all the errors. Seeing that many, I would normally suspend the story. If you don't fix them by the next update I will, though.