October 9th, 2010 at 09:57pm
Official Comment
Hey! I just read the comment above and I totally agree! For your first one-shot this is actually has very good quality! And I didn't notice any huge grammer/spelling mistakes on your part (Good Job!) But I do have some things to point out. It was just a tad big hard to follow and it seemed like it was missing huge chunks of information. What happened to this guy? Did he die or something? Other than that though I feel like this has some realy potential and so do you! Be proud of yourself! Good job! :D
-Emily
Also I found the last line very powerful!