Pretty Boys - Comments

I couldn't agree with The Way any more. I enjoyed your diction very much, editing or no. It was gentle, it was sweet, nothing left out and nothing overdone...The plot doesn't seem overbearingly cheesy, either.There were just the right amounts of everything to make a story worth reading. I reallyyy hope you get around to writing more of this! : )

[oh shit i wrote this in notepad, word wrapped, so the format's all whacked. i'm sorry T_T]

just saying, i would read a story like this. an entire novel full of just interactions like these. these characters and these writing style. there's a complete lack of pretentiousness about your

writing that i really took notice of and it's so refreshing. it's just.

it's not simple, really. but it's not intricate. it's not delicate. it's not elaborate or overwhelming or any of that. i could go on about the things it isn't, but really. something about it i just adored. the

tone, the way you set up the setting (date and time), the lack of caps (hallo fellow person who does that), even the layout. the summary just, well, summarized it. you did everything right. you

march to the beat of your own drum. just. i don't know. you didn't set up any illusions about what your story is gonna be or won't be. you just presented it in the manner you knew how.

i can't explain it very well - lol, how obvious, but i just adored it. unsullied. not really innocent, no, but you have your own ideas and you aren't afraid to stick to them.

anyway. onto the actual content of the prose.

i liked your narration - crisp and blunt but not boring, not exactly captivating but interesting, dark but not so much, not macabre. not even violent. it's always just hinting, or on the edge of

something. unique. 'sunken black eyes' was the most unoriginal line and was still pretty good.

crooked and juvenile. that's new. you often find people describing features with 'childish' but juvenile is usually researved for actions. i like how you defied that - find a new way for it to

mean.

“people,” he wiped the leaking blood off his jaw, “they all call me twitch,” he said.
his hand vibrated at his introduction.
“what people?” i asked.
he smiled without his teeth and said, “the guy who gave me this nose’s people.” there was so much character in this exchange. not just in you as a narrator, but your characters here. not even

500 words and you've made them established and relatable and raw and rare. it's wonderful. i don't know how you did it but you made me want to read more about them, and i barely know them.

i just know it'll be a good ride.

“i think you’re a pretty boy,” he sighs and flips himself back on my stomach. “why’s a pretty boy hanging around me?” so much revealed in that question. as well as the narration. you imply

they're getting intimate, a bit, but it's told in this very storylike way, no added details like 'he felt so warm' or no fancy wording, but somehow it works. like telling a friend about something, you

won't give all the details. you won't notice any of the details except important ones. i think that's what you did here.

if this is you at 14 i'd love to read your stories when you grow older. great work.