The Memory Ends - Comments

I just read this and it was absolutely amazing in every sense. The way you wrote it was beautiful, it was almost lyrical. So little was said but so much was heard. you're a talented writer

Wow. Very brilliant, creative and well-written as well. :)

Oh my god. If I hadn't have talked to you before, I'd think it was all fiction. But it's not... and that's the sad thing.

You are so strong. You are incredibely brave, and I think that you're amazing. The fact that you stay strong is just unbelievable. Your writing was so powerful... wow. I don't know what to say.

(I keep doing that...)

I really liked reading this.

It's short, yes, but powerful. It makes me want to know more. How did they get in that situation? What is actually going on? Why the bug spray?

The end makes me think that maybe the events happened weren't too long ago, and the memory stopped, because for the narrator the pain is 'now'.

I really like reading drabbles and yours' is a good example of a great one.

Your lines are short which ties into the theme of memory and how it's fragmented. Even though your piece has short, I could picture the scene in my mind.

The final line was powerful. It sparked questions. Was it rape? Was it a breakup? It also reminded me that moments in the past that are long gone can hurt. Memory is so powerful it can affect you your whole life.

Firstly, the banner and the layout are stunning and picturesquely simple <3
I found this small paragraphs, with its seventy seven words, incredibly intimate and nostalgic. The intimate atmosphere I grasped can be attributed, in part, to the warm tones of the layout. The shades of the banner, story background and content background give, as I said, a nostalgic feeling. Kinda of like seeing old yellowed dairies, kept newspaper clippings and so on. I think that fits nicely with the theme of memory you have going on.

Now onto the plot: It's just a memory, and just like a memory, certain things, parts of a flashback, are being linked together to form one formidable memory. I like how your lines were choppy and each one describe a terribly mundane (random) thing, that is so summery and so . . . connected that it creates an atmosphere. The Pokemon shirt and similar touches of clothes, bodies and colors makes it so lovely. Makes the atmosphere tangible.

Whereas Dru, in the comment before mine, said she sort of saw it as rape or someone leaving someone, I saw it as a bitter (and painful) summer fling (not even a romance) where bodies and feelings are heated and sluggish and just . . . gah. I can't describe it. It's when, in the summer, you know when it's so hot, you feel like you're boiling on the inside and out and you know and feel like you can never be cold again, so you go "to hell with it" and just want to create more heat, and you seemingly can't stop later on? Like lava from a volcano? You try to stop it but its burns you anyway and keeps going?

So, yeah. That's how I saw it.

And, personally, I love this sort of story that does not have a connective, cohesive structure. It just gives you clips of scenery, little details thrust in between thoughts, and makes you link it: create your own story and your own emotions. I really admire and love that. I like that you sort of have to infer the situation, the relationship between the characters. For instance, I can tell there are two characters from "our", and that there is a narrator and someone. Now the relationship between these people can be anything: from a oneshot thing to friends who to ex-lovers to a non-consensual sexual encounter, because it is a memory: therefore it indicates a past relationship status between them. The intimacy (I) felt through these few lines, and the little details like the Pokemon shirt, can be attributed to any of the former relationship. You wouldn't bother to remember the color or the sort of shirt the other person wore if you didn't really care about them. Memory can be a strange thing: they're often indicators of the involvement with the person/thing/event in question (what is happening and who or what is in that particular piece of memory).
It's intriguing because if it is rape, then the details mentioned would indicate how important, and evidently traumatizing, this event is for the narrator.

On another note, I really love your usage of colors and wording <3 I love it when people incorporate yellow and blue together. I also like when sunlight is described as splashing instead of just being there. That adjective makes it more animate, more there, like a wave that is constantly moving and therefore is there. [/end nonsensical ramble ]

Finally, I really love the last line:
This is where the memory ends, but where the pain is just beginning.
Because memories do have that annoying habit. They haunt us. They make us feel more hurt about things that happened in the past that shouldn't hurt as much as they do now than they did back then.

I think you did a great job on this as this piece is a prime example that something that has as little as seventy seven words can efficiently carry on the message/meaning a whole book can.

Well done, love. <3

I don't exactly know what it was meant to be about. I'm assuming that's meant to be part of the point. I sort of saw it as a rape, but it could have easily just been someone leaving someone else.

A silent washer and a running dryer.

For some reason, that line stuck out to me most. I'm not sure why. I think it's because it's something so small and simple that makes sense, that it just hit me.

I love how you set the scene. And then you have this one line about begging to stop. Back to scene with bug spray. Final line, fade out. It was just amazing. It was like a movie where the camera shows everything and then pans in. I got that sort of feeling.