*EDIT. (The part about the sixties...) I should have said late sixties, into the early seventies.
September 26th, 2010 at 10:59am
down,” He’d always
^^ down," he'd or down." He'd
while her dark hair flowing loose around her face
^^ flowed, otherwise it doesn't quite fit. :]
In late ‘72 Atlantic
^^ 72, Atlantic
than he remembered
^^ she
it,
“I understand, but just know I could have any girl I wanted,”
^^ You don't need that line break there, because it's the same person speaking it's appropriate to keep it all together, in the same paragraph.
Jen,” She almost
^^ Full stop instead of a comma.
me again,”
^^ Full stop instead of a comma. :]
“Fuck you!” She shouted, standing up.
“I loved you
^^ Bring that dialogue together. :]
Righteo. :]
When I first started to read this, I thought it was going to be about Jim Morrison. :] Did you loosely base your Jim on him? I like how you take the theme of the sixties which overlap into the next two decades, and create a story around it, especially as it involves the music industry which pretty much gives your whole story validity. Know what I mean? (That's a good thing).
I also quite like how you use your imagery, comparing Jim to a godly statue, which kind of foreshadows how he perceives himself and how that's the downfall of their relationship. Plus, I like how it could tie into being a rock and roll god. :]
Your dialogue is pretty good too. :] The connotations of the type of music being the Devils' etc. I especially like how you actually used the lingo of the time, it made it all that more believable, and interesting to read. The choice of words kept reinforcing the tones of voices in my head. My favourite part with the dialogue was when you took the meaning in Whole Lotta Love and gave Jim his attitude towards it. I think you did that brilliantly. :] Made me smirk. Oh, just the words you've used....amazing.
Annnd...the last few paragraphs about the death of their relationship and the oak tree limbs ripped apart. That's quite well done in itself, that you're able to have this allusion to what's happened to their relationship. If you did that intentionally....I applaud you a whole lot. If not......well, you do good things without even realizing it. :]
That story did fit the bill. :] So, no worries there.
That was a good write and something quite neat to read. :]
