Cracks in the Sidewalk - Comments

I fricking love this. It's so honest and fresh! And the layout is amazng!

just god damn amazing are the only words i can find at the moment.
i love your style of writing :)

Okay...

Dont worry I dont have horrible news. Haha In fact I dont really have bad news at all.

Let me first start by telling you that while I am a bit of a critical reader I dont mean anything to you personally. These are just my honest thoughts. =]

When I first started reading this story I was not really being pulled into the plot. (Granted... I am ADD and keeping my attention is a bit of a task. Haha) I did keep reading though and let me tell you Im glad that I did.

Your main charater turns out to be the very opposit of dull. Usually, as you know being an avid reader, the main persona in a book is very interesting. Things really stand out and catch the attention of the reader. I realized about half way through the first page, that this is not what you were wanting the reader to see. I think that you were really trying to design a down to earth, real word kind of person. I must say you have done this beautifully. Once I understood this I could really appreciate the deapth of this story.

Your style is a lot different than most of the reads that I have found pleasure in before, but I have to applaude you. YOU GOT THE ADD KID's ATTENTION!!! Haha Well done I look forward to more. =]

P.S. Smoking Guns is all pretty and ready for more productive critisim... *hint*hint. Haha Jk. But really I would love to see your thoughts on the rest of it.

-Meg

Okay, first, I love the banner and layout. Both go really, really well together (: Also, I'm in love with the summary, though, I think axe should be capitalized, since it's a brand name. Other than that, I didn't find any other mistakes. This honestly isn't what I usually read, but I'm captivated so far. :D
Prologue: I love the beginning sentence! It sets off a really good beginning for a great looking story. Hopefully, alot of people will be able to relate to this. I happen to agree with you on the last sentence; I can tell you from experience that growing up in America really sucks. I was born in Cali, moved and lived in Israel since I was 8, then moved back to Cali, then to Nevada when I was 12. That move ruined me and what I was. Even my mom says that I'm not the same anymore. Anyways, I'm rambling here, so I'll continue on to the first chapter :]
Chapter 1: I really, really like the beginning of this. You have a great way of starting things off x] When I was growing up, the WWF (now known as the WWE) was at its utmost peak. Everyone had their favorite wrestler, and the kids who liked each one tended to clique together on the playground. That was sort of the same for me growing up in Cali, only it was with Barbies and Polly Pockets xD See, I love how it's easy to relate to this story and going through the same things as other people did. Also, reading about the bullying made me so sad. I can relate to that as well. I'm so sorry this happened to you :/

So as you can tell, I really, really love this. It's amazingly written and something I think everyone should read. You really need to update this soon - and whore it out more! It needs the major love it deserves :]
Lovely job!

Thanks guys! there will *hopefully* be more by late tonight/early tomorrow morning. I'm taking a break from school/writing and playing zelda: Ocarina of Time for a bit. I deserve a break :P

I really like the depth the first two chaps. give us. All these "concrete" details make it seem more realistic. Like Jacob said, the narrator sounds very honest; no sugar-coating a thing. (:

I'm a sucker for detail and interesting word choices so this was def. a win in my books. I found myself wishing for a different style layout (I'm not all that fond of dark color combos; it's a personal thing) but this was nice and readable so I dug it. (:

There's a nice flow to your words and I like how easy it is to catch and follow. I'll prolly read a lot more of this if you post it. Hint Hint. :D

Haha, nice job so far. C:

I like this a lot so far :) The narrator sounds very honest and to-the-point. No sugarcoating anything, which I like.
I feel bad for what he's going through too.

Can't wait for the next installment!