Why don't you have more stories? This is amazing. The ending is sad and freaking. I was a little confused a first, I thought the gooey stuff was like sticky melted skin and carpet. Well amazing job.
January 6th, 2011 at 10:30pm
Chapter 1 - I love how you describe the relationship with Ellie and her parents. It's very vivid and it gives me a good sense of how close of a family they are, especially the scene with the Olive Garden and calling out different words when they see a certain colored car. Nice touch :) It also made the movie-watching scene better, because I could tell that they really didn't feel like she should watch the movie but they spoil her somewhat so they did it anyway. Also, love the insertion of Goosebumps xD Oh, the 90s...
Chapter 2 - I'm writing this as I read, so right now I can feel my heart pounding because I totally remember what it was like being a kid and hearing a weird noise in your house. Not cool, not cool. And the silence afterwards is definitely worse, haha...EVERY HOUSE ON FIRE?! I would pee myself. Not kidding. And O_O HER PARENTS! OMG. I'm just picturing myself as a little kid and walking in my parents' room and finding that...not pretty. Oh wow.
This definitely, definitely freaked me out. Like I said, I love the descriptions and the way you built up the relationship with Ellie's parents because it made the ending all the more traumatic and scary. Awesome job, and good luck in the contest!
