My Life With You - Comments

I love your story :)
I love Joe and Nick aha.
Anyway I love this.
Update soon, yea?
<3 Holly.

update:) i like the plot.

Hi!

I like your story so far, but I have some nice critique for you.

"When I was halfway home from Church I felt someone's eyes on my back, and I turned around to see whom it was. Nobody was there, and I got super scared. I started walking faster, and then I turned around again to see who it was. As I faced back towards my house I saw a huge person standing right in front of me. I looked up to see my Uncle Dan (he was 6'6", and I'm only 5' 5") standing in front of me smiling."

Have you ever heard of show not tell? If you haven't it's basically explaining how somebody would be reacting instead of just flat out telling your audience. When you wrote, "she got super scared" I felt as if I wasn't maybe reading a really good piece. Also, it's never very good to start off a sentence with, "as I".

I don't mean to sound like a bitch, but it caught my eye, and I thought that I'd write some critique for you.

Other than that, it seems like you're off to an okay start!