November 10th, 2011 at 01:50am
I should start by saying I haven't seen the film Bright Star so please forgive me if any of my assumptions related to that are incorrect.
From this story alone, I'm not to sure what's happening here, but I'll take a whack at it: Keats is in love with Brawne but he thinks there's something going on with Brawne and Brown, though Brown denies (and possibly Brawne does like Brown).
The first paragraph just blew me away. I loved the description of the setting and events happening here. It wasn't too much, and it wasn't too bleak. It was just perfect. I loved that through your description of something as simply as how each character walks, you've already managed to say a lot about each character.
I particularly liked these two lines: ...whose step developed a speed to match his famous wit. and ...and his heart swelled sickly in his chest.[.color]
I really liked the way you described Keats actions, his nervous/angry/emotional ticks and oddities. I think it added a lot to his characterization and really helped to let the readers see his frustration and allow us to take a guess at why that is. I think his impatience, the nervousness, the (almost) repressed anger, and the fidgeting did really well to express how Keats really felt about Brawne and how much it bothered him that he couldn't actually just come out and say it.
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I should start by saying I haven't seen the film Bright Star so please forgive me if any of my assumptions related to that are incorrect.
From this story alone, I'm not to sure what's happening here, but I'll take a whack at it: Keats is in love with Brawne but he thinks there's something going on with Brawne and Brown, though Brown denies (and possibly Brawne does like Brown).
The first paragraph just blew me away. I loved the description of the setting and events happening here. It wasn't too much, and it wasn't too bleak. It was just perfect. I loved that through your description of something as simply as how each character walks, you've already managed to say a lot about each character.
I particularly liked these two lines: ...whose step developed a speed to match his famous wit. and ...and his heart swelled sickly in his chest.
I really liked the way you described Keats actions, his nervous/angry/emotional ticks and oddities. I think it added a lot to his characterization and really helped to let the readers see his frustration and allow us to take a guess at why that is. I think his impatience, the nervousness, the (almost) repressed anger, and the fidgeting did really well to express how Keats really felt about Brawne and how much it bothered him that he couldn't actually just come out and say it.