What You Broke - Comments

First off, I’d like to say that while I like the picture you choose for the background, it made the text hard to read so I had to highlight the words to read it. I think if you had made the story content background white, and the actual layout background the flames it would have looked better.

Also, when you write, you should write in past tense. Instead of “he freezes” it should be “he froze.” I also noticed a few grammar mistakes, but nothing that can’t be fixed up with a little once over.

But I generally liked this. I would have never thought to have written something like this. I especially like how it’s a drabble and it leaves me wondering just what the chick did to break his heart. It kind of makes me loathe her, because I think that boy is especially cute haha. You actually had a plot, it wasn’t just nonsense about a broken heart. You brought in two characters and told a story.I also liked the adjectives you chose, "vibrant red streaks gracing his pale white skin." That right there is my absolute favorite part.

Good job.

I have to agree with the others. This was short and to the point, it had a good line behind it, even if it was a little cheesy and cliche, in the sad sense, of course. You're missing a period at the end of Ryan's last line. I think the layout is way too hard to read, also. The text doesn't go with the background, I would just get rid of the flames, but it's your choice.

There's really nothing else to con/crit on because it was so short, but it had great meaning.

Like Sheikara said, it was short, sweet, and to the point. From the beginning line, I thought this would be a war drabble, but when I finished reading it, I found that it wasn't. This really was a good drabble.

Short, sweet, and to the point. I really liked this, although the layout made it sort of hard to read.

I like the layout! the fire in the back gives it power,
it was a little hard to read, but if you highlight the words its fine :]
this is a pretty deep one-shot
even thought it was short, the feelings were very real :/
I feel bad for the guy, how the girl hurt him, broke his heart
But, the way he betrayed it was very good.
nice job! you made something short very meaningful

The layout was sort of distracting to read. But overall it was quite good. You did a nice job,

The layout was hard to read, so I had to default it. The drabble overall was okay, I thought you captured the aspect of the picture well. This was short, simple and bittersweet. I agree with the comment above me about this being 100 words even and having a lot of impact on readers.

I love that the paint was red so that it could be mistaken for blood, I thought that was a great touch. I also think had a lot of impact, especially since it was only a hundred words.

This almost broke my heart! This was great! Perfect everything! One thing, the layout. It hurt my eyes. And doesn't have to much to do with the story. You are a very talented writer, that is obivious. THis is a great story! LOVE IT! BRAVO!

Now, I can't really say anything bad. This was very good, but nothing I can base a comment novel off of. It was good, but not special. It felt rushed, and the last thing Ryan says needs a period at the end of it. The layout makes it a bit hard to read, but I managed and liked what I saw. It just didn't really strike a chord with me. Maybe this isn't your usual style or something - ? I don't really know. I'm not saying this was bad, because it wasn't. I'd read it again, but I'd lose interest, quickly. It wasn't something I'd stay in a line for, all day, ya' know? Still, it was good and I'll give you props. You're talented, that's for sure.

That was probably my favorite drabble I've ever read, it went really well with the picture and actually managed to have some sort of a plot which most drabbles ignore. I really liked this :)