'And He Was Humbled' - Comments

I think this was really well written and a very creative idea. You've done a good job of getting your opinion across and this was very interesting.

As a Christian, I do have a few other things to say. I don't think God would just all of the sudden change the way things are done in Heaven. God's ways are perfect and they're never going to need changing, so I thought that was an odd plot.

But other than that, you've done a really great job here!

wow, all I can say, is that this was.. different.
Not bad different, just different.
I really liked it though.
Honestly, I didn't expect what turned out in the story; I had no idea it would be about - pretty much heaven, and certainly not god.
It's a lovely drabble though. :)

Um, I'm trying to think of more things to make this comment more substancial? :P
You write well - your style is very easy to understand, and you don't seem to have grammar errors that I could see.
Also, very good description - I could really visualize what you were describing - the little angle, the wheel, god (and especially his eyes)

All in all, I like this very much. :)

I agree with Roseh, god as a character works really well. It's interesting, I've never seen him like this before on Mibba.
I like the repetition at the beginning, it gives a sense of community.

I adore the idea; it's so original and well-thought out. It's brilliant, we have to spin the wheel to determine our fate. Genius :D

I noticed at one point you put "a elaborate" as opposed to "an elaborate".
Also, the only other thing I want to mention is your layout. I had to paste it into word, because I couldn't read it.
Other than that, I really liked it :)

Wow, I loved this.
I can honestly say that I've never read anything like this before.
Your way of writing and describing things is amazing.
I didn't see any errors with grammar, but the layout did bother me a bit. I had to go to default to read it because I couldn't read the words.
Other than that, it was great :)
Nice job :)

This was incredibly different.
The way you described things is just amazing. I loved it from start to finish.
And the way you made God come across was also quite amazing. x)
One thing I'd mention was the layout. I had to highlight things to read it because of the background but other than that it was flawless. <3
Nice job.

Oh my gosh :) How did you come up with this? :) I think its so well thought out, just one of the original things I dont read everyday. Or ever in this case :) Its things like this that makes me happy to be watching people grow and think. You have made my day, and given me yet another reason to live ;D

This isn't usually the type of thing I would read, but I quite enjoyed it. I think the idea of spinning the wheel is amazing, and I think the way you finished it was amazing.

I agree with the previous comments. It was an extremely original concept. Very well presented. A really good read. I love it.

Wow. Just wow. In those three hundred+ words, you have me amazed. This is an interesting way to look at things in the world today. God makes us spin a wheel and that determines our fate. So two words; wow, and clever.. No one would have came up with this idea in a million years. Nicely done <3

I DO like the spinning wheel at the bottom,
it was a little hard to read, but thats okay :]
oh a religious drabble, I've never seen one of those
I like how you betray God, hes powerful and magical with his powers
wow, its weird to think that he has to pick who has terrible diseases like that,
I never thought about it in that way, that's gotta be very hard :/
I like this very, very much.
The wheel was a very good choice to have,
though id recomend it on the side or top of the page.
i think you did an amazing job with the story!

I'm really intrigued by your use of God as a character. I think the descriptions are wonderful, especially with such a limited word count. Watch your tense as you were told before. :)

You were right, it wasn't what I expected. It was better. I'm not really religious, I'm not for or against anything at the moment. I'm kind of in a state of inbetween-ness.
My religion aside, I really enjoyed this story. It was totally unique and you did a great job of telling the story in such a short amount of text. I like the picture the words painted in my head.

The layout isn't my favorite though. I like it, it just blocks the story content.

and I caught one mistake:
The Assembly of God nods, they claps
It should be clap, right?

Other than that I thought you did a really good job.

Dang, this is amazing. I must admit, at the begining I was confused and shocked to see God as a character. It really caught me by surprise. I love the detail and how well youmade this all fit together. The only real problem I had was that the littlest angel didn't have a name. (I'm very picky when it comes to names, lol) Grand job! <3

Wow. This is certainly very different, and very interesting to read as well.

I found your interpretation of God to be really innovative - it's the first time I've seen him as a character in a story and it works really well.

I also love your description. Particularly the line "See the littlest angel suddenly flit into the auditorium, his barely formed wings pushing back and forth furiously." It takes you right to the situation, to that moment in time, and I love how you show the near-desperation he has to get there with the wings beating furiously.

All I would say is that be careful about changing tense. You start the story in the present, but the last few lines seem to be in past tense. I only noticed it after a second read, but just make sure you are consistent. I think it would work either in present or past.

Another thing is that the layout is slightly difficult to read with the picture. If you moved the text/picture to make it centered or right-aligned it would be easier.

But it's very very good :)