November 15th, 2010 at 09:05pm
Hey, great start, but watch the layout... its quite hard to read.. just fix it before someone reports you. Somebody reported one of mine and its just so RUDE because there was nothing wrong with it! Just make the text either brighter so it stands out or a bit darker for this story I think, and you'll be fine.
Also, another little bit of con-crit, double check your spelling, and proof-read to check for typo's. A few places you put 'her' instead of 'he'. This is looking pretty good..... I'm subscribing! More soon? xx
I'm looking forward to read more! =D