Behind Her Mask - Comments

Awesome sis! XP

I really like this!!

Thanks for entering my contest! :)

Sorry I took so long getting around to commenting. I've been quite busy lately...
Anywho, Good job on this. It is a little cliched, but we all write those from time to time, so I have a hard time holding it against you. Your syntax and the way you keep your sentences short in this piece give it a certain sense of urgency as well, which is really good for the topic. It's very emotional; you did a great job conveying the way the girl is feeling. This is good because the more you desribe wmotions, the more your audience is going to become emotionally connected to your writing. So high five on that.

Considering now what to improve, I can't say a ton. The first thing I have for you is that commas and periods always, no matter what the situation, go inside quotation marks. So when you say, "'friends'." it should be "'friends.'" This is kind of hard to explain without saying it (the whole quote within a quote thing makes describing grammar difficult) but i hope you catch my drift. Other than that, I'd say maybe go for more of a twist of originality somewhere. not that this is unoriginal because it is certainly your own and unique to you, but perhaps you can refine it a bit? Not to be taken the wrong way, because you did a wonderful job. :) Don't feel pressured to add anything i suggested either, I'm just trying to be constructive. :)

Thanks again for entering and good job on your writing. :)

(By the way, the whole writing something in five minutes then entering it in a contest? Something I do almost every time. That made me laugh.l :) )