Say It Once - Comments

I think this is really interesting, considering that most stories on Mibba are set in a sort of teenage/college age group, I don't think I've read many post-schooling stories on here, so I think that's cool to start off with.

I do like Miya's character though, how easily she get frustrated and how jealous she can be. It sort of makes her... her, to me. I like how she's like that because a lot of people are, and it makes her a lot less perfect. And I'm sure a lot of people would get a little tired if their spouse was constantly away- I mean, that's a big issue with a lot of divorces. David, I'm not quite sure about him yet. He seems sincere, with all the kissing and drawing and the nice words. Seems like a cool dude, so far. But I mean, he's gone all the time and Sierra's totally in the picture now and Sierra is really pretty and young.

Techinically, the story's pretty solid. There were a few things in the second chapter (double punctuation and a quotation mark missing) but otherwise it's pretty good in that department.
It's a pretty good story.
:D

Hello. First of all I'd like to say that I very much enjoyed the presence of your characters. Miya's character with her paranoia is so real, especially in her dialogue, and her husband so evasive it's like you've been here before. The only person I didn't get enough of was their elusive daughter, who I at first thought might be a cat (curled up in her moms lap with just a name, honest mistake) but then found out later was a daughter. Very interesting, but here's the the thing: a lot of your dialogue is stuffy and takes up too much room, where action doesn't take up nearly enough. A nice balance between action and dialogue keeps the story in check and makes transitions from scenes less choppy. I liked the new woman and her appearance, the way she seemed to scrutinize Miya as much as Miya scrutinized her, it was very realistic in a competitive meeting. Anyhow, you're doing very well with this. Keep it up!

Hehe *COMMENT*
This will make more sense if you read your profile comments first :)

Ouch, ouch for Miya definitely! I can sense some trouble to come, and it's most certain verified trouble, that's for sure!!
Loved the update!

I'm glad how they can go from being pissed at each other to not being pissed at each other and being lovely to one another.
Loved this update! :D

Yay! I'm glad you updated. Your stories are amazing girl :)

Good on ya Miya (?), good on ya!!
Check his phone all you want...even though I don't want to believe that Daniel would do such a thing....but condoms when you're not having sex..?
Kinda...fishy innit.
That chapter needs to come out..like noww!! xD