Schizophrenia - Comments

Agreed - amazing last line. I really liked it, you write serious stuff really well.

^ I really agree with Skeletal.
It's sort of a mindplay. What you can feel without anyone else knowing.
It's deep, and makes you think.
Great story :'D

Story Review Game

In your first sentence:
In the crazed panic, Dana felt, she tossed her head back and fort, looking left and right.
In the crazed panic Dana felt, she tossed her head back and forth, looking left and right.
The sentence sounds a little bare though, I would add something more because it seems empty.
Your first paragraph draws me in though, I've learnt plenty about her. You are already making me wonder things about her, and I really want to read on.

That second paragraph there highlighted how simple the action was, but she made it something more with her insanity. I though that was a great twist, all the figures were herself! I would have been really creeped out by that. I don't know if you meant it, but the whole thing sounds like a metaphor about how she is hurting herself.

I adored that last line. It was so simple, yet effective.