Jody - Comments

The part that threw me off was the car "doing" 80 miles per hour. Going? yes. Driving? yes. Doing?...no. I don't think the story needs a huge extension, but (and I'm not a huge horror fan) I think the part with the killer could have been more descriptive. It would have been more satisfying that way.

I'm going to revoke the layout rule just because the new layout makers in the New Mibba are complicated, and even I can't figure it out lol. So don't worry about that now. I like the color scheme and the photo you used though.

Short summary, I mean, it doesn't thrill me to see what's going to happen next but it's interesting enough.

I don't really know what to say about this other than I don't think you can really bring up the memories of a mass murder in a dribble. This is something that needs to be lengthy and detailed instead of a couple of scenes. I would've liked to know every detail about the killer, and how is it they came to stop. You make it sound originally like it was a car crash, the 80 miles an hour and then everyone being dead initially made me assume it was a crash and that they crashed into a red barn or something. Then there's a scythe wielding killer, very confusing. I would definitely make this lengthier and more detailed.

Otherwise, interesting. I just would've liked more.

....No fair...
I wanted to know more about what happened...
And it stopped.
Really abruptly :(:(

This was really good, and definently an original idea. I looked forward to the next chapter, and seeing why Jody was spared and exactly what happened. I liked the picture and thought it perfectly captured the part where she was on the swing, her hair was blowing in the wind, and there was grass all around her. I think my favorite line would be, "What's so special about me?" I think that's what anyone would think, and what most people think when something bad happens to them, so it had this sort of haunting feeling to it. Update soon! =)

This is just wow! :) I love it!

I love the emotion you put into this, it's really clear but it's also distinct as well. The plot was well done and I think the layout went well with it.
For so little words, this was really good.

The first thing I want to say is I highly advise a different summary. It doesn't sound very formal to me and I just automatically thought of a child with bad grammar. I would find something more stimulating and interesting, but that's just me. Otherwise, I liked the plot of this and just the general writing style. The only grammatical error I could find was a missing question mark, What's so special about me.

Yes, I didn't forget! A comment swap means I have to keep up with my end of the bargin and I, of course, shall.

It was a pretty good, I only have a few things to point out that I believe might help, and like you said, feedback helps you grow...

Here in the second paragraph:
"long before she’d caved and agreed, it wasn’t long before she was in a car doing 80 miles per hour, it wasn’t long before everyone she knew was dead"
The change in perspective confused me for a moment because it went from her caving and agreeing and then she was doing 80 miles per hour in a car and everyone knew she was dead? Kinda threw me through a loop because she's the only one of her friends to survive... Surviver's guilt. D:

"They were the last words Mel said before her head came rolling at Jody’s "
Here, I think it would have flowed and sounded better not to use 'they' and use 'hose' like:
"Those were the last words Mel said" or "They were the last words Mel had said before" or even "Those were the lasts words Mel had spoke" Word choice is big factor, yes?

"Jody had lived but her friend had died." Just, playing with word choice, you know... Not to seem picking or bossy, just trying to help. Even though it's just drabble, as you said...

I think that's about it... Keep up the good work.
Also, not to seem like a lame advertising person but if you're looking for a good prologue to read, well: http://stories.mibba.com/read/420685/The-Seventh-Mark/
It's really good and I'm sure the author would appreciate comments, if you read it. It's not my story but I thought I would share a good story with you. (:

I think its pretty cool. Its different knowing how the survivor really feels after what Jody experienced.

I've already commented this but oh well, I love the description and the imagery, I love how she remembers the death as if it just happened. This is a great job.

This seemed like something that could be made into more chapters. I loved the concept and it really made me interested for more but it’s just a drabble so I’ll have to write the rest of the story in my head I suppose. xD

It wasn’t long before she’d caved and agreed, it wasn’t long before she was in a car doing 80 miles per hour, it wasn’t long before everyone she knew was dead. I loved this sentence – especially the last part. It was terrifying and very unexpected.

Quite the spooky little drabble you’ve got here. <33 I loved it. :D (And wouldn’t be opposed to there being more chapters some time down the road, haha.)

This story was intresting and different, I loved it. Good job!

Definitely wasn't expecting that..
It was definitely a killer party. ;) Sorry, I had too.

But I loved it. Its deep, and messed up, and I could only imagine how Jody would feel after that. Its just so sad.

Woah this was.... odd? I don't think that's the right word! Hmmm I was expecting them to die in a car crash and what not, but to have the killer thrown in there, that was crazy! It totally added a whole new element to the story!

I totally enjoyed this though! Lot's of layers of different emotions, and I could really feel her confusion/bewilderment at being alive when the others had died.

Make some more of these!

Wow.... just wow. That was amazing! For something so little it has a big effect! Gosh with the memories you put in, then on how they treat her now. Very vivid. And when I saw the layout I expected something happier but it went a completely different way! But I love this! I adore you writing! How emotional and descriptive it was just made me smile. Great Work. :D

AWWWW!! I wanted to read more. /sadface

This is awesome, like seriously. I like the layout because it looks all happy but then the story is all dark. It's epic xD I only have one problem, I wish the "killer" was changed to something better like murderer or fiend, you know to add some vocabulary. That's about it, I really liked it, even though I wished it was longer! Hahahaha. It's very good either way.

My favorite part is this one, "It wasn’t long before she’d caved and agreed, it wasn’t long before she was in a car doing 80 miles per hour, it wasn’t long before everyone she knew was dead." Totally creepy. It made the story so much better with that, even though it's already great!

Good job, you should do more of these.

Whoa, that was creepy.

She’ll always remember that day and ask herself why me? What's so special about me.

should be

She'll always remember that day and ask herself,, why me? What's so special about me?

I bolded what needs to be added. Anywho, the simplicity of the narrative was chilling. The grammar was decent. The banner complemented the story. I love your pretty, plain descriptions.

Dude this was really good, it had alot of emotion and detail, and was awesome for a drabble(:

This definitely has a lot of emotion in it like the previous commenters above me have said. I like the emotion and the suspense. There was only one grammatical error I could find which was a missing period. But otherwise that's it. I would highly recommend that you edit things before you post them though.

Can I just say that your writing has improved so, so much? I am way proud of this story.

I loved the layout a lot. It was simple which let me really focus on what was going on in the story. I loved the length of it, too.

The way you went back and forth in time was really great. Over all, you did a really good job and I really enjoyed it!