Soldier - Comments

This has instantly intrigued me, I love the way you give the reader random bits of information and let them try to work out what's going on or where the story will lead to. It makes me wonder 'Is Ellie a religious character?' and 'What's with the text messages?' and I love the poem by Robert Frost that you've included, poems always seem to be such awesome bits of inspiration. I'd like to see where this one will lead :)

I love it. I think you should write more. I would love to see where this story goes.

I'm intrigued.

You've done a very good job of drawing the reader in during this first chapter. In fact, you start to do so even before then, with your summary. You introduce the story very well, and give very good detail while still allowing for enough to be uncovered as the story progresses.

I really enjoyed the addition of the text messages during the chapter. It incorporated elements of docu-stories, which I like to read alot, and provided an interesting and suspensful start to the story, which was sustained very well throughout the first chapter.

Your description is very simplistic, but very, very vivid as well. You tell the reader everything in a very concise way, and it really helps for me to visualise the scene and events of the story. You also have a very strong sense of characterisation in how you explain their reactions to events. I particularly loved the line "The tears on her cheeks scared her and her shaking hands immediately rushed to the silver cross hanging round her neck." It really brought Enya's emotion and feelings through.

I can't wait to read more.

I claim your message board's virginity!
Anywho, the story starts out really great and makes you wonder what is going on between the two. I see a lot of potential and would love to see where this goes.