Ok, I like the concept of the story, I think the execution could use a bit of work though. You should get a beta (someone who edits your stories) because your grammar could use some work, and that's the kind of things that people get reported for, which sucks. Also, the story is moving super fast, you might want to slow it down and let the plot develop a little more =]
Thanks for all your feedback. Are you guys still reading what do you think of everything I havent gotten and feedback lately and Im kinda worried no one likes it.
Thank you it means a lot to know what you think Im working on the next part now so Im hoping to have it up maybe later or sometime soon things are a bit crazy with school :)