Intruiging first chapter; it lets us know what the story's basically going to be about, without giving too much away. It makes me want to read more. Do update this, it seems like it has potential!
June 17th, 2009 at 07:08pm
I really liked the mood of the first chapter. It's quick and to the point, in a good way that not really many authors can do.
Anyone can find beauty in whatever he or she choose to see. But true beauty cannot be simply seen. It must be found. It must be searched for within a person.
This bit was good--I like it when the narrator doesn't just say what happened, but says why it happened/happens.
It was life in a cold sweat.
That intrigued me. It made me go back and look over the description again and realize how well it fit. Same with the other part about the knife against the skin.
Also, I really liked how you opened the story with a dictionary entry. It gives a...I don't really know how to describe it. But it enhances the tone a lot, right from the start, which I think is the most important thing in any sort of story.
I find Babydoll to be a good name. It actually got me a little curious--a unique name, whether it be the actual name or not, really gets you interested because it makes the whole thing seem so mysterious.
All in all, I have to say the biggest part about this story I liked was the tone and mood. I can already feel the narrator's personality and I don't even know their name yet. Love it.
