You Are What You Are - Comments

So I only read the first two chapters but this is really interesting. I like all of the dialogue and how you had his "other thoughts". And the way he responds to them is really funny. Your descriptions are really awesome too and the whole paranoia thing seems super interesting.

The layout was really nice and the summary confused me a little bit but I liked it anyways. Good job! (:

I'm gonna comment again, one because I've been wanting to read this forever.
Anyways, I like his mind's thoughts, it's almost as if it's a whole other person, which of course you were trying to do. It's absolutely a beautiful story even though it's only a few chapters long.
Keep on updating. (:

I have to admit, I love this. The paranoia captured me, and I loved how you wrote his mind's thoughts out as well. The layout is just, ughf. (: I truly fell in love with it, even though I've only read two chapters. I'll get back to this when I read Decembers.

So far I only read the first two chapters and holy shit. I LOVE how you made wrote all his "other" thoughts.

I really like this so far, I'm going to finish it later so I can get all cozy. This seems like it will be a very good story. I really like how you described everything, right down to how the voice sounded. Very good. I'm subbing, then going to read the rest!

I really like the narration. The main character is so realistic. :) One thing I'm stuck on is how to pronounce Kayle. :o Haha. Oh my gosh! Kayle's responses to the voice thingy are hilarious. So witty. xD Emery sounds so cute, aw. :') I've always wanted a skater type dude (which is what I kind of envision Emery and Kayle being..) as a friend. :o And after that last paragraph in chapter 3, I'm so eager to know more about why the Kellin is there. :o Wow that whole comparison of school and a slaughterhouse is brilliant. I love how Kayle says Moo. xD Kayle is so confusing sometimes. xD But he is so poetic like Kellin said. :P I really like his narrating skills...he's so chill. :) So I am going to subscribe right about now because I am really eager to read more of this!! :D

I really enjoyed reading this. For starters, the description was EPIC! It really got my attention. It was a cool concept of paranoia. I like the details and how it was written stylistically. I had trouble following but got the hang of it. I like that everything is kind of scattered, it reflects Kayle's thoughts well. And I love the character! Witty and sarcastic -my favorite combination. Good work :]

... sexy. :3

This is kinda hard to understand but I like that about it, gives me a reason to subscribe ;] (which I most certainly am)
I rose to my feet, brushing off the back of my jeans then pulled Emery up and proceeded to follow the rest of the cattle into the awaiting slaughter. Moo. I love this line, made me laugh! The character has an odd sense of humour and you've really established his personality well, you're also a fabulous writer, you have a great way with words! Overall this is an interesting story so far, it has a lot going for it! Keep it up!

"This boy is so adorable I could eat him, although cannibalism is frowned upon in this country. " Hahaha. I love this, it's how I feel sometimes.
I really liked the last chapter. I'm totally subscribing to this. And you should feel special because I've not subscribed to a story in a million years, Plus I'm not even subscribed to my favourites. Special.
xox

Sometimes, I just like to put a fuckton of commas in stories. You don't, but that's chill. I don't judge you for not loving the comma as much as I do. I still love you.

Honestly, I really like this. I like the concept of paranoia, I've always found it intriguing. Anything psychosis-related has the tendency to grow cliche, but I feel like the smart-alec, vulgar, and sometimes rude character you've created gives this story utmost originality.

I like the repetition of time. Waking up at four in the morning, five thirty-five on the clock. It gives a sense of time. How quickly it does move and how slowly it passes for your character.

I'm having a hard time deciphering between things with importance or unimportance because I really don't know the difference; this thing has taken that away.
I like this line. I feel like it really puts the effect of this thing into perspective. How much control it does have over the character, and how it has changed their life.

This boy is so adorable I could eat him, although cannibalism is frowned upon in this country.
I love this line. More than any other in the entire story. It reminds me of Willy Wonka, the new one with Johnny Depp in it. It made me laugh, and in serious types of stories, comedic relief is definitely a neccesity.

Overall, this is great work. I'm subscribing. Because I love you, and I'm interested in how this turns out. (:

I really hope you continue with this! It's interesting and well written thus far.

I really enjoyed reading this. Though I have no clue what Kayle's problem is, I love your use of suspense, and I think a lot of peoplewill read and subscribe just to find out what's going on with Kayle. I also really loved the way that you told the story in a sort of scattered manner, which obviously mirrored Kayle's thoughts. Another thing I liked about this intro was how even though it's an intro chapter, you still managed to include a substantial amount of background information about Kayle, which you don't see a lot in intros anymore. Another thing that struck me was just the characterization of Kayle in this chapter. Kayle comes across as being witty and sarcastic even though he's suffering from this extreme paranoia. And I like that there's a curb to that sarcasm; that you aren't trying to write another Juno character XD

Anyways, overall, I thought this was great. You have serious talent =D

i really like the mystery in this all. like how you leave your readers guessing and wondering what's really going on with kayle.
i'd also just like to point out the fact that your repetition in the "paranoid, extremely paranoid" line, was incredible. (i really hope that's the line you used and i got the words right. ) with this story and the way you're writing it, the repetition is really good and adds a lot to the chapter.
10/10!

Damn Lola, you have blown me away... as always. You're such a creative writer. Your talent deserves utmost praise.

This was a really good first chapter and the ending left me on the edge of my seat. I am anxious to read more.

I will be subscribing.

Very interesting. Hm.
Leaves me wanting more.
Has a mysterious vibe to it. I enjoy that.

I don't understand it, but I'm pretty sure that that's the point. But I like so far, can't wait for more :)