I was very immersed in the story, right from the beginning. I could relate very well with your main character, haha. Damn stories not going the way you want them too.
And in the first chapter, why did his stomach growl in reply? Was he going to eat her? Would she taste like coconut and oranges? D:
Yes, okay, so it could use some editing here and there but that's what December and the rest of the year is for. Sometimes the story didn't flow as well as it could have (starting a lot of the sentences with "she", for example: She did sighed. She smoothed her hair back. She wished things could be different. And so on). Sometimes it seems like you could combine sentences as well. I'm not going to be srsly~ nitpicky here though, 'cause yeah. And I agree with the person above, your word count is really quite impressive. Aha, I'm envious.
I really like this. You have a really nice style of writing, and I could see this as a published book. I felt as if I was reading an actual book, not just my computer screen. I noticed a couple of changes in tenses and points of view as well, and a few awkward phrases, but that's all a part of NaNo, and I'm sure that when you revise, it'll be even more amazing than it already seems like it's going to be.
Awesome story =D
I would write more... but I'm too tired to think...
Next chap asap kk?