Autre - Comments

I happen to think that this is one of the most unique stories I've ever read. A haunting in a French cafe? Sounds awesome to me! Also, the layout is so...unique. I think that's the only word I can think of to describe this story xD And I like the coffee cup. Anyways, I really love how this starts off with the ingredients...for a cake? Or a scone? Dunno. Oh, wait. Muffins! Num xD I really, really love the aura that this story has. It's sophisticated and your writing is absolutely gorgeous and immaculate. I think that my favorite part was this: "Je t'aime," I say, passionately moving my mouth in syncopation with his. I tie my hands into his hair. He squeezes me closer to him. Closer. So close I can't breathe. Too...tight. I gasp for air as his arms constrict around me like a boa. Augustus sounds like a pretty boy ;D
Me likey. <3 I'm subbing :D

Very interesting. I'm just like...staring at the screen.
I'm in awe, I think. You have great description and an immaculate use for words. :)
Update? I'll sub.

I can't believe you still haven't added to this. I want to find out how pie-boy died. Write more.

I think your description is very good. I swear, one person makes one little criticism and everyone else jumps all over it. I don't know what they mean because when I was reading all I could think was, "Wow, this is some quality sensory description!"

Chapter two please.

Kelly. I don't want to tell you how much I love your writing style (and yes, you do have a personal style that I can identify), because then you'll get a big head and think you don't need to write anymore because it's already perfectly unfinished. WELL DON'T GET ANY IDEAS. YOU HAD BETTER KEEP WRITING THIS. And then remind me to read the new stuff.

Excellent! Please continue, Kelly.

Your descriptions make this story so enjoyable. I could clearly picture the bakery and I swear, I got the craving for a muffin now.

Everything flowed beautifully and I love that it has some French text. I swear, I can't speak a lick of French, but I just get so excited when I see different languages incorporated into a story.

Overall, I enjoyed the first chapter and it broke my heart that the shop is on fire and that Nicholas is dead. Poor thing.

The layout is a little too much for me, but it does go well with the story. It's gives it an old school feel like in the early 1920's or 30's. I have no idea if that's the particular setting, but I dig it.

Keep up the good work.

OMFG FRENCH PEOPLE *kisskisskiss* God, I have a fetish for French, I swear.
But wow. ;____; Poor Nicholas. I liked him already! *sobs*
How did the shop catch fire?! WTF.
Oh, and I must compliment you on several things. 1. OMFG THE FRENCH. <3 And you translated it. :)
2. Olive, that name is simply wonderful.
3. I love the layout. At first the background wouldn't show up, and I was all: *distaste* but then it appeared and <3 YUS.
I think a little more description of the people would be awesome. :3
But otherwise, fantastic, I love it.
(I totally realized I read all of it in my head with a French accent. XD )

I see Augustus standing under a cherry blossom tree. Petals fall around him. They settle on the shoulders of his coat and stick in his hair. I walk up to him and he wraps me in his arms.

"Je t'aime," Augustus says and presses his lips to mine.

"Je t'aime," I say, passionately moving my mouth in syncopation with his. I tie my hands into his hair. He squeezes me closer to him. Closer. So close I can't breathe. Too...tight. I gasp for air as his arms constrict around me like a boa.

"Can't..." I try choking out. If it had been italicized I would have realized it was a dream much sooner. Instead, I was like "Whoa! What a creeper. Is she looking out the window?" It was very confusing.

The ending of this chapter draws in the reader. Your french would be applauded by Mr. Boghs (my french teacher). Your description of a busy cafe is clear. You have made the characters seem like a family with such short description, or it might just be the cycle to the cafe. As a whole, a lot more detail would probably paint a much clearer picture, we don't even know what your characters look like just yet.

Other than the small description issue, I give your story two thumbs up :)

Oh gosh!!! I loved this!!! You're going to add more, right??? It's deliscous and I really love Olive!!! I <3 that name!

First off, I ADORE the layout! I loved it! Ok, not I'll read!

This was...strange. I liked the beginning up until the dream sequence. Everything was so easily moving and sweet and romantic just like my home--I used to live in France. I loved how you described the bakery, and your french is very well spoken. Or written in this case. But the second it got to the dream, it just was kind of weird for me. I don't know if this is a one shot or a chaptered story, but I kind of hope it'll be chaptered-becuase if that was the ending it was kind of blah for me. I understand that drama you're trying to perceive, but it didn't really come across very well. It just kind of happened and was like....I don't know. I didn't get very pulled in. But otherwise, I enjoyed what I read.

Yay, a French story! Unique way to start of the story, so kudos to you for that. The characters look interesting, and this plot is intriguing, so good job on all that!
A bit more description would be nice, though :)