March 2nd, 2009 at 04:32pm
A grin was plastered onto his transparent like face. His eyes gleaming with excitement as he rushed his words, attempting to get them out in the open as quick as possible.
That opening, made my mouth open so wide. Amazing opening.
Your writing flows so amazingly, it’s so astonishing to read. Your analogies, grammar and spelling are exceptional. You keep the storyline short and sweet, which makes the person reading feel like they can follow the story easy and they don’t need to keep going back to see exactly why this happened.
The only thing that made me feel a bit uncomfortable was the sex portion. Maybe next time, make it a bit more romantic instead of just hard-on-sex? It makes your writing seem more soft and love oriented. It also keeps some readers a bit less uncomfortable.
But other than that, you have truthfully accomplished becoming a better writer.
Good job, Em.
four point five pills out of five.
I love it, love it, love it.
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