Swing Sets and First Kisses - Comments

Good job, liked it

I really like the banner but I think that it should have had a better base for it. It was so cute! I liked how it wasn't very cliche and she had different crushes, she wasn't madly in love with just one guy who had no idea who she was lol. Anyways I really loved the description and I just really liked how this was written, it was beautiful(: Good job!

To be honest, I think everyone sort of fantasizes their first kiss. Mine was a little less romantic, I must admit (lol, seven minutes of heaven :D) but I like how it starts off like that, because whether they've already had it or not everyone can silently agree that they have/still do imagine it, aha.

I like how you describe each new grade, a "new era" and "new experiance" it sort of makes me smile, because I mean at that age it sort of is like that. And how there's these new crushes, it makes me think of my elementary school crushes. I really like how relatable it is, and how it sparks memories for me and probably a lot of other people. It's really nostalgic to me, and I really like that.

The relationship between her and Amy I like, aha, it's amusing how she dresses her up. I really like Amy's character, she makes me smile and she's just a really likable character to me. They've got a nice friendship.

I can totally relate to how Marie doesn't like that girl, and she doesn't really havea reason? Oh lord, I think everyone has that perso. They've never really done anything specifically, but you just... don't like them, their personality is just sort of off-putting. There's that person, aha. I do think it's a little cliche that Shelly is sort of like that, at first I liked that she was actually nice and I really liked that, but it sort of wasn't cool how she was the bimbo type chick. :/

The ending definitely brought me back, though. I liked how the first kiss wasn't how she initially pictured it, but it wasn't disappointing. And how she fell back after on the swing, how even though it's not exactly like her dream it was real life, which can always be great. It was really adorable, I think. And I really liked it.

The only sort of advice is the bimbo girl I think could be a little less clichs and numbers should be spilled out.

Otherwise it was great. :D

Oh my gosh, I just want to say right off that this was absolutely adorable and that Im extremely disappointed that my first kiss did not happen like this... at all lol

You're writing is really good and you made this story flow perfectly. I love how the main character didnt really seem to mind that she hadnt kissed anyone yet or that she didnt have a boyfriend. And when her friend tried to do her make up she was kinda like ' i just want to be myself and natural', you never really see that any more.

I also love the fact that you threw a girl in there that was like a puppy, following him and flirting- trying to get his attention. We all know those people and hate them, it made me want the main character to get that kiss more than anything.

When she went outside and sat in the swing I was really excited. I mean, I could have guess what was going to happen but the idea of her first kiss outside in a beautiful just made my heart melt lol

The they kissed and I was like YAY! lol and then she fell and I so could relate because Ive been through a similar experience. lol

So, sorry for the long rambling comment but to sum up what I thought of your story- positively amazing! I loved it! Good Job :)

Whoa. Like. Nice writing. =)

I've never been kissed where I fell off anything, but I think kissing someone and falling off of a swing would be cute xD

Really pretty banner and layout combnation, the daisy also gives it a subtle feeling :)

I like the begining, because it's really true. All girls dream about their "prince charming" and their first kisses, and their weddings, it just happens. I love how she explains the guys shes liked throughout her young life. Because that defenitly happened with me too :). I get what she means by seventh grade, that's when everybody really gets serious.

Oh Jake seems to be like a big deal, I think something is goign to happen with them :). haha Barbie doll with my face, that's a good one. Amy seems like the outgoing, fun, girly one. While Marie is the shy one who likes to stay that way. Aww she's all waiting for him, she shoud at least try to have fun! Oh man I would be jealous too if I saw someone flirting with the guy i like, no doubt. Well she did talk to him, that is a step!

I used to have an old swing set in my backyard as well, I loved it. Even though I'm older, I don't think swinging will ever get old :). Aww, her dad died, that makes the swing that much more special. They kissed! That's so good, he likes her back :). But oh, that sucks, that's gotta be embarassing, just flat out falling like that :/.

Very cute story, with a very cute ending. I really loved this, I ind of dreaded it because of the length hoenstly. But, once I started reading, I legitly started to like ti. Wonderful job, I love it!

I like this, I like it a lot. In the beginning I thought I was in for a cliche love story that would make me sigh and roll my eyes, but you completely proved me wrong. I liked the progression in this a lot, you didn't skip a lot and go right to the action, either, which is also good. The way your character developed was done extremely well, you should be quite proud of that. Your narrator was comical in a way, but completely realistic, which leaves me wondering; is this real? You can lie and I'd still believe you.

The only thing I don't really like is the layout. The picture's okay, but the font and color kinda hurt to read.

I like how the beginning paragraphs introduce her, like all her crushes and her dreams of finding her prince. I especially loved Shelly's character. I think we all know someone like her...

It was very relatable; I fall in love every other week, so I know how she feels, haha. Aside from a few grammar issues (comma use, etc) the words flowed very nicely. The ending line was probably the cutest thing I have ever read :D

WOW!!! I honestly am speechless. Okay, let me try to tell you what i think in words. So, the beginning was amazing and so believable and real. Most of the time, I don't find anyway I can relate to a story, but you honestly hit home here. I used to (and still do) fantasize about my first kiss. And the way you ended it was just... outstanding and adorable! I swear, you really have this story perfect from the first word to the last. Amazing job, and keep writing! <3

I'll admit: I'm not really fond of the layout. I feel that a great one-shot/story, such as this one, should have a pretty layout to go with it. Anyways, I really like what you have here. I can sort of relate to this; when I was a kid, I used to dream about a prince on a white horse, coming to take me away to his castle. God, the nostalgia xD But man, this was so incredibly adorable! I heard myself awwwwww! a lot the entire time I was reading it. I mean, what kind of girl wouldn't want this fantasy?
I think my favorite line was this: And without another word, he once again pressed his lips against mine. Except this time I didn’t fall off of the backyard swing set. SO. FREAKIN'. CUTE <3
You've done a lovely job here (: <3

I loved the story. Every line seemed crucial. It was so believable it seemed real. There were a few mistakes that I found though, albeit most of them were very small and easily missed.

I found a few grammatical mistakes. For example, in this line, 'fourth' should be 'forth':
Middle school brought fourth a new era.
And in this line, 'strand' should be 'strands':
I brushed the curled, black strand of hair back behind my ear.
This line would be better if there was a comma (or possibly a colon if you want to get tricky) after 'better yet'.
Better yet I was sitting alone and avoiding my own party.
And there is an 'and I' missing after 'Shelly'.
...Shelly never have and never will be friends.
There were a few other but I won't put any more here.

There were a couple of sentences that I found sounded odd, they sounded a bit disjointed to me. For example:
Now that I’m a senior and not much has changed.
It sounds like the start of a sentence but then it just ends abruptly. It would sound better like this:
Now that I’m a senior, not much has changed.
Or even like this:
I’m a senior now and not much has changed.
And (at the risk of sounding picky and obsessive) I want to say that this piece of dialogue sounds a bit robotic, like an actual person wouldn't say it.
Because there is some soda in the fridge that is still cold.
The grammar is fine (even the 'because' at the start of the sentence works) but I don't know many people that would say 'is' that often, not when they could say it as a contraction. Instead, they'd say 'there's' or 'that's' and often they'd say both instead. Then again, maybe you did it for a reason. Maybe the character talks like that when she's nervous or something...

There was one thing that really bothered me. I'm a bit of a canon freak so this bothered me a bit, even if it seems silly.
This was in the fifth grade paragraph:
It was the first time that I liked an older guy...
And this was in the paragraph about the protagonist's first (mentioned) crush:
... maybe it was just because he was a year older at the time.
Little things that don't line up (like this) often distract the reader and detract from the story and its believability.

All in all, it was a good story. I loved the twist - it was one of my favourite ones yet! Oh! And my favourite line was this:
Thinking back now though, I’m pretty sure it was because he was rumored to have been held back because of excessive juice box stealing...
It's ace! And I love the final paragraph, it's a perfect way to conclude the story.