Two Worlds - Comments

"Thanks for you comments, i expected to come on and see no comments, and to see not only 2 comments, but both of them being generally positive one's, that basically made an already awesome day better, and in response to confused by you, Yea, the separation thing i normally do, i don't know why i didn't. and the Gender mess up thing is something that my friend, who beta's my work is used to, and since we normally just rp, she's used to it and must have missed it, still thanks for the replies all"

Though this isn't the type of stories I usually read, I quite enjoyed that. I did notice a few errors of missing punctuation and using "her" where you are discussing a male character, but, besides that being slightly confusing at times, this was very well written. You may want to separate the talking ("hello") from the rest of the paragraphs to break it up and make it easier to read, but that's the only thing I can see wrong with the structure.
The way you discribed so many of the details was amazing, and I really enjoyed this. You have some wonderful talent on your hands dear, and you use it beautifully.
<3

Beautiful :)