Revanchism - Comments

Once again, I thought this was awesome. Really great writing style, like how I'm always too afraid to write. I think I'm starting to like your stuff!

Again. I'm sorry; part two.

This will never be as good as these other comments. But it's worth a try. Isn't it?

And I didn't exactly understand it but still...

Who would've guessed that you would wreck everything?
Lovely opening. Believable, amazing. Simple.

But we know the truth, don't we, sweetheart?

There's nothing sweet about you.
I love how you put sweetheart and then there's nothing sweet about you. It's making you wonder and just...effective.

You never understood. You laughed everything off, as if the real world never affected you. Were you always this blind? Were you always this ignorant to everything around you?
Wow. Just...wow. I hate how I can't explain why I like stuff. But just...wow. Fuck. It more, captured emotion to it and hits the reader.

It was your lies that destroyed me.
Lies destroy. Yes, belief.

Who needs lies when you have a gun?
Shit.
Bollocks.
Amazing. Holy...I can't even start to explain. Amazing. Fucking amazing.
I can't even...wow. -dumbass-

End of sorry part two...

First of all, I liked the summary. It’s simple, yet the question asked is sinister and grabs the attention of the reader. I like the title too…even though I don’t know what it means. :shifty But it has a nice ring to it.

You have a good writing style, I think. Your wording is fantastic and, although the ideas may be more complex, it’s not hard to read. Not to mention you have a kick ass vocabulary. :coffee:

The contrast between sweetheart and There's nothing sweet about you right after it was well done. I think it establishes that the narrator and the character had a close relationship, that they were happy, but that it’s since been ruined. The fact that the two sentences follow each other really helps to emphasise it.

Your voice is deceiving, your words acid, spat from your mouth as if they meant nothing to you. :cheese: I loved that description. Brilliant. It carries on with the concept of the character being poison, and makes them seem spiteful.

The constant questions really shows how angry, hurt and frustrated the narrator is. I also think it’s a clever way of giving more information about the situation, but in a subtle way. The narrator seems to want answers as much as I was anticipating them.

Was it because of what happened?
Was it because you couldn't deal?
Did this ever mean anything to you?
Or was it all just one big joke?

I like that the questions were all related to each other too, not just random. To me, it seems as though this is something that the narrator has been thinking over for some time; maybe making the bitterness and resentment build up to this point.

I think you just stopped liking what you heard. So you stopped hearing everything.

That reminded me of something a lecturer of mine said about a movie we were looking at. He said something along the lines of “the character knows, but can’t hear.” In this story, the character stops listening and blocks out the meaning of what is being said whenever they don’t like it (in other words, all the time). In a way, I guess they still know what’s being said, but they choose not to acknowledge it.

You never had made friends with logic, and so you swept it aside. Once again, brilliant wording. It conveys the character as careless and indifferent to others’ feelings.

Are you still laughing at me, all the way up from your self-made cloud nine? Loved how it was described as “self-made.” It showed that the character was oblivious to her own situation, delusional even.

Because, honey,

Who needs lies when you have a gun?

Great ending. It’s not spelt out, but it’s clearly implied what’s going to happen. It was really effective and made a definite impact.
CLIFFHANGER. :cheese:

I loved it; it had more to do with emotions than situation or location, which worked well for the subject matter.

Well, you know I suck at reviews so don't mind this attempt at one

But, HOLYCOW SHEEP THIS STORY IS AMAZING!!

Here I go on a ramble -Deep breath-

C'est la mort It's death? Or it is the death? Very powerful sentence anyhow, and my poor French worked it out to be that. :tehe:

Who would've guessed that you would wreck everything? I love that opening! If stories begin with a boring line of speech or something equally boring, I generally click off the story, but the fact that you put everything suggests that something major was "Goin down" and that it got ruined (Thus creating chaos and havoc and creating an awesome potential plotline)

But we know the truth, don't we, sweetheart? The emphasis on sweetheart, to me says that there was once a relationship there, or that other people label her by that name and don't see how dishonest and "poisonous" (Love that word btw) She can be, so only you (or the writer) can see how manevolent she can be.

There's nothing sweet about you. You're poison. Your voice is deceiving, your words acid, spat from your mouth as if they meant nothing to you. You'll never understand how much they meant to me. Ok, so I'm doing what I told you I generally dislike people doing and copying and pasting basically the entire story :XD But this line is.. sdfksdhfsd It's just INCREDIBLE!

The fact that the words "Poison, Acid, and Spat" could be put in the same context as something dangerous and sharp and then all used in the same sentence just stuns the reader. It takes them aback with all the emotive language. I personally felt my jaw unstiffen slightly, and then it dropped open :cheese: < And then you added in a personal note. I can't explain why I think half these things are amazing, but I honestly do. But the You'll never understand how much they meant to me. After describing that they meant nothing to her, almost made your character sound like they once were desperate for some form of comfort but have now realised how deceitful the other character can be? Or something did indeed go wrong when they "wrecked everything" and now they hold a grudge? The fact that you're writing all this and I crave more in the 4th line obviously means that you're better at writing than you assume.

I think you just stopped liking what you heard. So you stopped hearing everything. I run out of vocabulary reaaaal quickly, but this line is effective too. It's such a simple answer to the problem your character is experiencing, it almost makes her dangerous. If she thinks she can solve her problems so easily, then she wouldn't be able to be persuaded out of doing something stupid in a more dangerous situation. That's what first occured to me anyway :tehe:

All the way through your intricate bubble of fantasy and deception? Big words, my friend. Big words :tehe: I love this line. A wide range of vocabulary automatically draws me into a story, and seeing as I'm already hypnotised by this one, I think I'll just kidnap you and force you to write a sequal :tehe:

I need to find something to criticise :grr: cloud nine? FOUND IT :tehe: What's cloud nine? :coffee: Oh yeah, big on the con/crit there :tehe:

With the work of my thoughts, I'll see you screaming
With the work of my actions, I'll make it a reality. It seems your character has a bigger grudge than I first assumed. This is incredible as a threat. If I saw that posed as a threat to me, I would actually shiver. It's so violent and deadly

Goddamit! I can see the end of the page! That's another thing you could do :tehe: Write more!

A truth not even you can escape.

Because, honey,

Who needs lies when you have a gun? Wow. Sheep, honestly. Wow. That's amazing! I just told you on WAYT that my jaw dropped, and it did. I want to read more like this. That was such a great ending. I'm sorry this review sucked so bad :XD

But, as there were no grammar/spelling/context issues, I can't con/crit anything so have to sound all suck -uppy :grr: :tehe:

More one shots? And don't kill me for attempting this crappy review :XD

I absolutely adored this...
I can't comment to save my life.. but....

:cheese:

I loved every second of it.

Sheepy, this is fantastic.
Now my comment won't be nothing compared to yours, but seriously, you're good at this :]
I loved it
Especially that last sentence.

I think you should "attempt" one shots more often. (I also think that was slightly more than an 'attempt')

Completely flawless. The emotion came in reams. Amazing.

Oh
My
Freaking
God
!

That was awesome.More than awesome.
There's not enough positive words in the world to describe this.It was... perfect.

Who needs lies when you have a gun?

^ Brilliant finishing line.