Pretzels - Comments

I really like the picture in the layout, but the colors don’t match as well as they could. :/ However, the summary certainly drew me in because I’m a sick person. On your first line of the actual oneshot, there’s a missing quotation mark. I was also surprised when I read through all of the first person pronouns, and then instead of using ‘he’, you used ‘you’. I don’t think I’ve ever read anything quite like that. What I’ve read with first person talking to someone is more like a letter type of thing, and it felt really awkward in this piece, I’m not sure why. The details were great, however – I could really feel Danny’s terror and disgust and hatred. It really shone through well in your writing. :) I love twisted stories like this, and you did an excellent job portraying the other side of fictional incest, as you mentioned. ;) My own fictional incest is certainly nothing like this. D:

<3 Haven

wow, okay. wow.
there were a few typos here and there - like i think i saw 'him/he' instead of 'you' twice. did you like, switch from third-person to second-person? 'cause it sounds really good in second-person; you made the right choice. :3
but other than that, yeah. just wow.
that was scary, lol.
i wonder what it'd be like to have a nightmare like that. :o
...ahem. but yeah. this was really well-written. x]

This was written wonderfully.
I really really loved this.

really well written :)

Wow, that was very well written.
Great job. :]

Nicely Written!
Kudos!

well that was...interesting. :D haha

there were a few times you said he instead of you but idk if you wanted it to be like that:D