Crushing Music - Comments

I really love this please update.

This is just an amazing story! I cant wait for the next chapter!

Chapter 1, from Story Review Thread. Hi.

Personally, I feel like a few of your descriptions are a teeny bit cliche. If I were you, I'd try out a few unconventional comparisons. I've heard music describe the way it is in the intro many times. I'd suggest working on some truly unique imagery.
--That said, I think the ideas in the first few paragraphs are really something many people can connect with, and therefore likely to attract a large following.

"There was my dad’s constant abuse over the fact that I was 21 and still hadn't made it in my chosen profession and I especially loved it when he would get physical with me whenever he felt like it, which usually was the minute he saw me."
--> Often when sentences go on for a bit, you forget how you started. With these long sentences I'd suggest maybe breaking them up, either with a full stop, a dash, or a semicolon. The first half is unsarcastic, but the second half seems rather sarcastic.

"Welcome to my hell...oops did I just say that no I meant family." Watch your commas :) Also, it's kinda a personal choice, but I rather hate when writers interrupt themselves. If you're going to interrupt yourself, try messing with punctuation. Like, "Welcome to my hell. My mistake, I meant family."

Again, watch your commas, alright? Use them when the reader is supposed to pause. Reading "Yeah I'm cold I know" isn't as easy to follow as "Yeah, I'm cold, I know."

Wow. This character has extremely strong hatred toward her mother. I think it would help the reader if you had some kind of flashback to establish this really intense hatred she seems to have. I know you said that the narrator's cold, but jeez, something REALLY AWFUL must've happened for her to be okay with this.

Okay. Lots of really shocking details. Like "My father would find me and more than likely kill me. He threatens me with it all the time, so it's nothing new." A bit of reflection would help I think. Also, try your hand at one-word paragraphs. Imagine how effective that would be if it was its own line! Strong sentences like that really need to have their own space to shine to really shock the reader.

There's a lot of raw emotion, which I like. It has a lot of pondering-within-the-narrator's-mind, which can be really awesome if it's fine tuned a bit (Check out Dostoevsky's Crime and Punishment. It's all about a guy who murders someone and goes crazy with guilt and horror.)

All in all, I think you have potential as a writer. You don't do many of the annoying I'm-writing-my-first-story things many people do, which is awesome. And you take time for reflection, which is also uncommon with new writers.

Personally, I'm not a fan of non-original-fic, but I completely understand it if it's your first story. I was writing Harry Potter fanfics for a while before I was comfortable enough to write things completely original. But I think when you get comfortable with it, you should consider some really crazy-creative original fic. Start out with short stories, I'd say, those are always easiest.

My main comment would just be to maybe focus a little more on building the background. Just because you tell me that she really hates her family and that her family is toxic for her doesn't mean I can see it. Yay for flashbacks!

YES!!! She's finally being saved! I absolutely loved this chapter, it was the best one so far. I can't wait to see how Ali reacts to Matt. Please update soon :D

wow i absolutely love this story i hope you update, SOON!

I can't believe i didn't find this story sooner, I've subscribed. Update soon please i want to know what happens next :)

OMG! It's getting really juicy! I wonder how Ali's gonna react when she see's Matt & Gary. Please update soon, I really wanna know what happens next =)

Chapter 10: I've only got one thing to say........KICK HIS ASS, MATTHEW CHARLES SANDERS!!!
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Whoa, it's been a while since I last left a comment, sorry about that. I can't believe Gary hasn't made a move to save his lil sis yet, the poor girl has been through so much & needs to get out of there ASAP. I think Matt's gonna be her Knight in shining armour, or at least I hope he will be. Ali needs a saviour and they need to come soon, as I don't think anyone could survive much more of that abuse. Good luck with future chapters <3 =)

Love this story. I feel so bad for Ali that she has to go through all of that torture for their own amusement. I can't believe Matt did that music was her safe haven and she though they would save her from her nightmare but she was wrong. I wonder if she would be able to trust her brother or Matt after they both left her. I can't wait for more please update very soon!

Duude...update!

Chapter 9: It's nice to know that the guys are so understanding about what Matt did and I hope he and Gary come up with a great plan to rescue Ali. She has suffered long enough!

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Chapter 8: Matt better fucking save her or I'll kick his ass and see how he likes to be abused. What a selfish jerk to leave her there just to suffer like that!!! >.<

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I'm really into this story, please update soon! Xx

i loved it, but im interested to see what they do now, and how she will react to it

Chapter 7: Gary needs to hurry the fuck up and get his sister away from their parents soon or she's gonna die! I also feel that Gary is being selfish and a jerk for taking a long time to do something!!!
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im loving your story, cant wait to see where it goes :)
update again soon!! *suscribes*

Chapter 6: Oh my god!!! Her father is one sick, twisted fuck!!!!! >.<
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i LOVE this story please continue! the plot is a twist on something thats been covered before which makes it interesting and great. The way you've added Avenged into it is really different and i hope you update sometime again. Good luck with your pregnancy, I hope everything is well.

I loooooooove this story!!! <3333333333333333333333333