Love Like Murder - Comments

I read this ages ago, and I know that you're long gone but I just wanted to say that every time I see a box of Lucky Charms, I think of this story. Every time someone said Gerard, I think of this Gerard. This is the story that made me crave fanfiction.

So I understand that this story is OLD and you haven't written anything here in a while, but I still decided that I would comment here. Firstly, there's a couple of con-crit I would like to point out, the main thing being that you seem to struggle with sticking in the same point of view. You stuckly largely to writing in first person, only to break into third randomly and it broke up alot of the story.
'And then it dawned on me; they were in a hotel somewhere'(should be we)
'"Great," I whispered as I closed her eyes again.'(Kacey's POV, should be my)
'A small smile came to my lips. Donna had told them no killing' (should be us)

There was also a lot of spelling mistakes, such as attic being spelt addic and the common error of bus as 'buss'.

Apart from these small things this story was brilliant. You could have elaborated more on the detail to the characters but you knew that one yourself, you even said such a think in that last note. Apart from those little things this was very well written :)
buss

"Just a nightmare," I whispered to himself.

:] Celina was wrong. She said this was the best story she's ever read. I think this is the best story I have ever read. It is insane how well you write :]

I just read all of this and I loveeedd it.
The ending was sad, but well written. ;D
"Did you eat the last apple?
Awww! I wanted it!
I laughed soo hard at that, he was all casual about it too, like he didn't just have sex with a girl and then kill her.
But anywhoo, I loveed it. xD

PunkRockGirl16:

I LOVED IT!!!!! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU i'd go on but i think you get the point. XD This is one of the best storys i've ever read!!!!

Thank you. :mrgreen:

I LOVED IT!!!!! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU i'd go on but i think you get the point. XD This is one of the best storys i've ever read!!!!

Kelsi the RIPPER:

woman, i better see that trilogy you were talkin' about!!

You will, Pee Pee. : ]

I think that you should keep Gerard in the story.
And I can't wait for the triology!!!
Good luck!

woman, i better see that trilogy you were talkin' about!!

this story was so fcking awesome.
i loved it when kacey did her first kill.
xoxox

Thank you guys. : ]
And yeah, Razer, I'll let you know.

I read all of it yet but I love it so far (:

il ike you using gerard, jsut because it is fun using him to be so malicious. it is a way hot thing haha. but the whole trilogy sounds awesome. if you need help contact me!

Please keep Gerard in the story. And can you send me a message when Monster is up.

Thanks.

No! It can't be the ending! >__<
Bah. I really enjoyed your story.

You should make a sequel. *hinthinthint*

Aww..It's over D: Good ending ^_^

Nice endding.

Awwwwwww that was such a sad ending!
*Wipes away tear*

I loved the ending.

It was really good, the whole story.

Thanks you guys. =D