A Little Bit of Love and Laughter - Comments

Story Review Thread

Layout + Summary:

I'm not really huge on dwelling on layouts, so I'm going to keep this short, sweet, and to the point. :) I really like the simplicity of the layout you chose and that fact that it isn't incredibly distracting or flashy. The text is really easy to read, and, though this may just be my own dirty mind, the sheet patterned background makes me think that sex is going to be involved XD I also like that the simplicity of the layout allows the gorgeous banner to shine

I feel like though you chose a longer title, it doesn't read awkwardly or seem too rambling as some longer titles do. It's sweet. It gives me the impression that this story is going to revolve around love and friendship.

As far as the summary goes, I feel like you did an amazing job. This summary was everything that a summary should be: it provided enough information for me to get a grasp on what I was getting myself into with this story without giving away the entire plot. That being said, there were still a couple things I was iffy on. First off, incredibly nitpicky, but 64 should be spelled out, just a rule of thumb. And I have to admit that the thing that really just killed me about this summary was the question at the end. I'm not trying to sound harsh, but generally, when I see questions in a summary, I'm sort of led to believe that the story will be really cliché. As a reader, I feel like if the author cares enough about whatever is being asked to put it in the form of a question, odds are, the answer to that question is going to be yes, so there's really no point in posing that statement in the form of a question. Those are just my feelings toward that, not saying that's automatically how every sees it.

Chapter Nine:

I'm starting off with chapter nine as you specified. I thought I'd only be able to review one chapter, just because it generally takes me the full two hours to review a single chapter, but these chapters are fairly short, so I think I'll be able to sufficiently review a couple of them. Of course, because I'm starting from the ninth chapter, I have absolutely no clue what happened in the previous chapters, so take that into account. I'll only be reviewing the content of the chapters I'm reading, so plot progression, character development, things of that nature probably won't come into play very much. Also, I have to admit I'm not gungho into Harry Potter, but I know enough that I should be able to comprehend the story well enough to write a decent review.

Now onto the good stuff...

I enjoyed the way you chose to open this chapter with the MFC reminiscing about her past at the train station. I feel like it gave that fresh feeling of beginning a new chapter without relying on the whole overused, alarm-clock-wake-up-in-the-morning-feeling-like-pdiddy scenario, but it still retained that fresh effect and that natural segmentation between chapters.

Nitpicky formatting thing, but since the Daily Prophet is a newspaper, it should be italicized.

As I'm reading, I feel like the paragraph that begins with "I couldn't even bring myself to mediate on the idea any longer.." is a little repetitous. For example, at the beginning of the paragraph, you mention "As I read, the voices around me become clearer and clearer..." but then, in the next line, you sort of redundantly reiterate that in "The voices behind me grew more and more distinct as they got closer", which is practically restating the same thing in the previous line. Common sense-wise, I know what you're trying to say, that she was finally actually able to make out the words, but I feel like there are a dozen other ways of wording that phrase so that it doesn't seem so repetitous.

As I'm reading, I also have to give kudos to you for how naturally the dialogue flows between the characters. Not once did I sort of stumble over the lines or feel like anything they were saying was too forced, though I have ot admit that I would've liked to have seen more gestures throughout the conversation. You added in a bit of Em's expressions, but I would've also liked to have seen that same attention to detail done with the boys, particularly because, since this is written in first person, I would expect her to be focused more on the others' reactions that her own.

This chapter, overall, was a nice read. It flowed very smoothly and wasn't difficult to read. The only constructive criticism I really have for the chapter as a whole is that I would've liked to have seen more depth, more elaboration on some points. I feel like you have a really good sense of organization as far as knowing when the "scene" should begin and how it should come to a close, but there's a lot of details lacking, a lot of senses that aren't really provoked. I'm not a big fan of flowery language or descriptions myself, so I enjoyed the more casual style that this was written in, I just would've liked to have seen you pull more from it.

Chapter Ten:

Once again, I feel like you opened the chapter well. I like how you touched on the typical first day of school commotion that was going on in the hall and how she was used to it all by now. Once again, this is a place where I would've liked to have seen more description come into play because, this is the opening paragraph, it's setting up the essence of the scene that's about to unfold.

Another thing that sort of bugged me during this first paragraph and as I'm continuing to read is how jaded the main character seems. It wouldn't really bother me if I felt like this was that type of character, but from what I gathered in the summary about this being a new world for her, though this is the tenth chapter, I feel like it would still retain that quality. I mean, no matter what age you are, freshman or senior, everyone gets a little excited on the first day of school, and I feel like, though this is Hogwarts and the wizarding world and all of that, that anxious excitement would still transfer over.

Personally, I'd had my eye on Roger for quite some time now. But I was nothing special. - I feel like this should all be one sentence because while reading it, it felt incredibly awkward to fullstop at that period. I feel like a comma would work better as far as flow is concerned.

Another formatting thing: It was the same as last year and the year before. The Forbidden Forest is off-limits to first years; no magic in the corridors between classes; etc. - I feel like this should be written as "It was the same as last year and the year before: the Forbidden Forest is off-limits to first years, no magic in the corriders between classes, etc." The way it's written now, you're using semi-colons incorrectly, and as I mentioned above, it's not natural to fullstop between those two "sentences."

I do like how you sort of drifted from person to person in the room and how you wrote those tidbits about each person, giving the feeling as if the reader's eyes were scanning the room alongside Emily's. It didn't feel like too much unnecessary information, yet, I feel like those brief introductions to Roger and Violet weren't lacking anything. It was just enough to satisfy my curiousity towards them, though if you're going to further explore Roger as potential love interest, I would obviously need to know more about him, which I assume comes in the next chapter since she followed him to the tower.

As I said regarding the previous chapter, the dialogue flows well between the characters, but my problem is that that's all it is: just dialogue. There's no gestures or facial expressions ot really enchance it or paint that visual in my head of them talking, it's purely aural. Like I can hear the conversation taking place as I read, but I can't make out the characters' faces. I also would've liked to have been shown more of the little things that would clue Em into Fred's jealous, aside from just being told in the form of that dig he made towards Roger.

I sort of have a lot of the same constructive criticism that I had regarding the last chapter: elaborate, elaborate, elaborate. Incorporate more of the senses. I mean, I know next to nothing about the HP universe, characters, etc, but my mind was going completely rampant as I read, thinking of how I would've picked out more things, such as the boys' facial expressions as they spoke, sounds from the Great Hall that weren't necessarily conversation, the way the food smells, and yadda yadda yadda.

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Overall, I feel like, from the two chapters I've read, that this is a superb backbone for a story. Though I'm intrigued by the concept and the relationship between Emily and the Weasley twins, I feel like this is just sort of a story, it isn't an experience. I'm assumng that because you're asking for a review on a finished story that you're in the process of editing, which is why my review has focused primarily on suggestions, constructive criticism, and what I felt needed to be worked on because, in the editing process, that's the most helpful. This was an enjoyable read, and as I mentioned before, I do love your style, I would just adore if you dug deeper into this story because I feel like there's so much more to it than what I've read.

This was a great read, and I wish you luck =)

I'm super bummed this story is over!! I loved it all the way through!

so i havent commented on this story but its really good and the ending is epic

I loved it. Absolutely adored it. :)
It was so brilliant because of how much its going to affect Emily so much.
I LOVED how Severus had such a soft spot for her. :)

Awwwww <3 well, now to fill the hole in my heart, I believe that I must go and read your George fanfic :D

I just found this, and have spent the last hour buried in it.
I absolutely hate it when people make fan-fics, and dismiss everything that happened in the actual stories. You definitely embraced the background plot, but still made it your own story.
I love this so very much.
You did absolutely wonderful dear.
Bloody brilliant if I do say so myself :)

beautiful. and i will definetly be checking out ur x-man fan fic(; professor x is the man!

xoxo

Uhm. Way to not tell me this was up girlie! haha But, oh my! I loved this story. So much. Even if it is over. It was a fantastic way to end this fantastically wonderful story, my dear friend. And thank you for whoring out our wonderful story. :)

Aww :) Fred :) <3

Oh my. I think I cried harder this time than the last chapter. :( I loved that. It was so cute. It really did give Em the closure she needed, even though it was for only a few minutes. <3 Ugh. What else can I say? I don't want this story to end, ever. Is that bad? haha I'm excited for tonight as you commanded. :)
Hey, maybe give a shout out to our story in the next author's note? haha :)

im truly excited for tomorrow. i really liked this ending(: wonderful job deary. <3

xoxo

Aw D: you made me cry... congratulations XD

Oh my good.was, oh my goodness! What is this?! You had me crying. Legit. I love this story so so much. It's quite upsetting to have it end. But, more time to think of our story. haha <3 I'm so ready to read tomorrow's update. :)

awwww so sad! loved the letter from snape. can't wait for tomorrow. sad for it to be over. <3333

xoxo

Severus hugged her?
Well, that's something you don't read everyday... :D It was a wonderful update, by the way. :)

Aww it's ending? :(
Well, this was awesome XD

Awh, poor poor Severus. I can't believe this story is coming to a close. I love it so so much. <3

Dammm loved the intense chapters!!

glad you updated! im sad that it will soon come to an end but it was amazing! <3

xoxo

Please update soon. =)