The Party - Comments

I'm in love with the way this story is written. The short, sharp sentences that cut through me emotionally followed by little paragraphs that pull the topic away. It's a very neat style to write in and it really parallels the fluidity and emotion-based type of writing that your story centres around.

I love the way you relate little things to bigger-picture things... it's very clever. Your writing flows perfectly and I can feel the emotions in every word; it's almost as though I'm there and watching her. Your descriptions are fantastic, and you stay true to the main context of the story.

The only mistakes I can find is your use of commas - which at times can be in the wrong place - and your use of the word defiantly instead of definitely.[/n] Otherwise it's brilliant... well done. (:

Thank you so much, everyone! It means so much to me that you all like it. I'll try and badger Far into posting more often, if you all want it!

xoxo
Addy

I love the layout
I love this chapter
it really brought me to how shes feeling .

Like I said before, I do like the layout,
but I think a banner could make it even better :)
I like how you are describng the party
and her surrondings I've never been to a big party
but I have to admit that's got to be somewhat how it feels like
It must suck to feel truly alone
I've never felt like that, and i can only imagine
I like this chapter :) good job :)

Firstly, I loved the Macbeth in your summary. Its one of my favourite lines of Shakespeare and it really told me exactly what to expect in this story, it was a great choice of yours. Because like this story, that quote has a dark undertone and contradicts the title perfectly and creates a contrast that helps strengthen the atmosphere of this story.

If you look at the actual story right now, it seems a bit cliche, but I didn't even think about that as I read it because your writing style and your description totally masks that. The scenes at school were angsty the way they would be in countless other stories, it was actually terrifying and like some people have already mentioned, it did have a sort of Alice in Wonderland sort of anxiety tagged to it. It was great. Well done.

Yay! An update! :D I love how short these chapters are, but they have so much meaning to them. I love the beginning and how she's seeing those...blobs, I want to say x] And wait...she's at school? And I sorta got confused at the part where someone told her that he doesn't have a way home. Who is the person that they're talking about? Is it a former love? Hmm. It seems like there's a bunch of possibilities of who he is. Anyways, I love the details that are used here. They're a bit vague, but they add a ton to the story. However, I keep wondering what happened at the party to cause her to be so sad. To me, it gives off sort of a Speak kind of vibe. Like, she went to a party, something horrific happened, and everyone suddenly resents her. But like I said, there are a ton possibilities here :]
Lovely job, hun! <3

I know that I commented on this before, but I totally forgot that I read it xD Anyways, this was perfect, as was said before. The details are stunning and everything about it screams Alice in Wonderland. It's really mysterious and wonderful and every time I read anything by either one of you, I'm stunned by how amazing it is :D I've actually been thinking about this story quite alot and I keep wondering when you'll update it x] Oh...wait, on top it says every Wednesday, hahah! So I'll be looking forward to an update today :D
Lovely job! <3

I like this layout, the black in the layout looks...texturized? I guess that is the right word, it looks good :).

Okay, so this girl is at her home, and she has been planning a party with her friend, becase her bf dumped her? and then he ended up there, because her friend invited her, got it. I do like this, but some of it was a little confusing. But, the flow is amazing like usual :)

o.O Am I the only one who didn't get an Alice in Wonderland feel? I thought the whole being in the gutter bit was metaphorical. She was in the gutter, trying to hide from her anger with this person rather than face it, and when she picks herself out of the gutter it's her deciding she's going to deal with her problems. I literally got no Alice in Wonderland feel from this at all so if that's what you were trying for...yeah, didn't get that. The only bit that I disliked was the repetition of 'her best friend'. I would say give her friend a name so you can stop saying that because it starts to get confusing after hearing that a million times. But otherwise, very nice beginning. I'm intrigued.

Wow, this is a really great little intro you've got here. This is very well-written, and I love your descriptions and the almost frantic way this is written. The reader can really pick up the state of mind that the main character is in just from the way you write her thoughts jumping back and forth from her frustration with her friend to her loathing of this guy. I think that as an intro, this is very intriguing. It definitely makes the reader want to figure out what is going on, what the main character's situation with this guy is and why this party is so important to her. I think that's a nice method =3

As far as constructive criticism goes, I don't have much. The grammar was spot on, and everything flowed really nicely overall. The only suggestion I have would be to maybe name the main character OR the best friend, just because all of the shes get a little confusing at some points. To keep the mystery and suspense that you've built by this intro, I would suggest to name the best friend instead, just so that you still retain that air of mystery clouding the main character.

Overall, this was great, and I wish you luck with this as you continue to work on it =D

You have no idea how happy I am that you finally posted this :D I agree with turducken. said about it being like Alice in Wonderland. You wake up somewhere; you have no idea where it is and you're absolutely terrified, but then you're sort of excited to find out what it is? Okay, nix on the last part, but you've definitely got me hooked here. I'm subbing and I'm really, really sorry about the craptastic comment! D: <3

The layout is absolutely stunning, but if anything I'd change the title to black so it would blend in the background. Otherwise it stands out and it brings down the pretty-ness.

The beginning was definitely an intriguing one. Maybe it's just the whole Alice in Wonderland thing that's been going on, but at first you mean she was mad like crazy. There isn't much too it, so there isn't really that much to say. You've left a lot for me to wonder, like who is this guy, what did he do, and that's good. Because I'm definitely going to come back and find out now. :D

And the plot has been set up, and now I'm ALSO wondering what she's going to do. She seems pretty fed up, so I hope it's really intense. Maybe she'll actually go mad, ahah. :)

Nice beginning. I'm hooked. I wanna know what's going on! Update soon?