Unforgiving - Comments

Wow, the first chapter was vague--but that's how I like it! I don't really read stories with supernatural themes, for some reason. They just never really appealed to me, but I gave this a shot and it does seem very interesting. The differences between James and Ann seem to balance each other, what with how connected they are, with the twin telepathy and the fact that they are twins themselves. Okay, that much was obvious, twin telepathy. *facepalm* I am stupid.

But I love how rash Ann seems in the second chapter, and the ending was chilling. Freedom, everything they both wanted, but James... okay, too sad to think about. Anyways, I love every description you made, and... I think I really quite like this.

Okay, first off, I really enjoyed the feel of this story and the sci-fi-ish vibe of it, what with the research setting and doctors and everything. I'm always a little more intrigued by those types of stories because they satisfy my inner Bio-major science-nerdy self XD Anyways, I really loved the connection between Ann and James, and the contrasting way that they viewed their lives: Ann being very rebellious and James being more passive and accepting of everything. Like the people who've commented before me, I'd also like to see more to this. While I think it works well as a twoshot, I'd like to see more backstory, maybe see something in James' perspective or something along those lines. I feel like the ending that you've chosen is perfect closure for the story, so I wouldn't really go any further than that because then I think the ending with the concept that Ann's newfound freedom is nothing without her twin would be lost.

Anyways, awesome story!

Okay, so, I just had to claim this again. It's just so...amazing. It's creepy and wonderful and it's not one of those horrific "mad scientist" sort of reads. It reminds me of the Maximum Ride series somehow, but obviously, this story isn't about children with wings, haha! In the first chapter, I love the details that you use, especially our captors in white lab coats - it gives me such a weird and creepy feeling and I totally love that. I've read a ton of stories that are so...vague, but I noticed that when you wrote vaguely here, it seemed fitting because this story is just all about mystery and what's happened to these kids to make them the way they are. In the second chapter, I love how we see the brother and sister relationship; however, it's really, really saddening that her brother is dying. I'm guessing that James and Ann are some sort of new species with a genetic defect? Hmm. That's the vibe that I get from it.
In my opinion, I think that you should make this a full length story. You could do so much with it - I mean, what could happen with Ann after James died or maybe the people in the coats are going after her only now? I dunno, my mind is rushing now with possibilities, haha! <3
YOU KNOW THAT I LOVE YOU SO, SO MUCH :] <3

Oh, I'm kind of excited to read this. They are in a lab because of the abilities hey have, I think that's a very cool idea. The layout is very pretty as well, and the banner is intense.

Aw, her brother is dying, that's so sad! Wow, they are so obsessive over having them be okay. For them to stay there. It's their own fault for being stupid and "collecting" them, they're only 15. Oh, they have twin telepathy, woo! Good thing they don't know about that, they'd probabaly take some of their brain out to stop it. It's such a sad life, I mean you do nothing but get experimented on all day. Poor things :(. I realy ilke this idea though, and you have a good feel of what their emotions owuld be if someone was really in that situation. Wonderful job! ;D

Okay, so remember that I told you that I recall reading this on Inkpop? Yeah, adding the layout made it seem a thousand times better :] Ugh, hated that site >.> Anyways, I love how creepy and mysterious the first chapter sounds. I love your imagery and descriptions; they're so freakin' vivid. As creepy as the subject is, you make it seem pretty. Oh, and I'm not sure if it's the way you wanted it to be, but the entire bottom half of the story is italicized. Maybe you forgot to close the code? Or judging from the dialogue/thoughts, maybe it's supposed to be like that :] And...erm, you completely blew me away with the second chapter. No lie, my heart was racing so fast. o.O You have a thing for making your readers feel and relate with the characters. Not many people can achieve that (:
Lovely job, hun! <3