Welcome to the Jungle - Comments

You had me smiling with the first words of Warrant's Cherry Pie. :) Bit of a win when it's your favourite song ;)

sight, “HELLOOOOOO LOS ANGELES!” - you don't need to use capital letters like that, you could use description instead.

Every word in that sang described what - song

By the time, I was realized the concert was over. - you don't need the comma or was in that sentence. And the should possibly be changed to that

Slash’s 5’10 frame towered over my 5’3 height, but I don’t. - that last part is either an incomplete sentence or isn't meant to be there...

I didn’t noticed I was - notice

His another hand pinched and - other

“Okay, no more fourplay, baby. - foreplay

I think you used the lyrics well to capture the idea of the story - but I think a lot of the narration was too casual, and there were a few times you had the dialogue in the wrong place - like Princess would say something, then on the same line of dialogue, Slash would too - so it didn't work quite well like that. :/ I also think you could have done a bit more description, just because sometimes it felt a little awkward and sudden - like why was Slash her favourite, and why were her lips suddenly pierced when there wasn't much of a mention of that when she was putting her lipstick on at the beginning of the piece?

I think if you asked someone to beta it, and give you a run down of what it might need to add to the story, it'd be a nice little story to read. :)

damn!! i'm at a loss for words!
wow
really
fucking
hot!

HARLOT!! LOVED it!! <3
Seriously, I'm gonna have some good dreams tonight...& tomorrow night
& the night after that...probably for a whole month. ;D
UGH! I have to go change my underwear now.
You owe me new pants. :p

Poor Manda, she got stuck with Axl...as I call him. Asshole. :p