Dodge - Comments

This was really good. I really liked the ending, the repetition really drove the idea, the desperation the sadness, home, you know? I love stories that have a simple sentence right at the end that just sum up everything and make you feel everything you felt while reading the story all over again.

I liked the characters, they were all believable. I didn't get to see much of Benny, but that's understandable because it's his mother's story, not really his yet. I loved his innocence and lack of awareness because that's so real. His mother loves him that much he won't let him know. And I think, though it happens in deifferent scenarios, we all feel like the mother in this at some point. We all feel like we need to be strong for someone and we're willing to risk our sanity, really, for their happiness. It's a very heartfelt concept and you wrote it well.

There were a couple spelling errors and grammatical errors, you kept jumping from one tense to the other, but there weren't enough to take away from the story. Just kind of look over this and you'll see some of them.

This is just so... sad. Heartbreaking, really. I think it's really cool that you've sort of did something differed from the typical teenage romance and wrote something that is more... real, and so it hits a lot harder. Because it's like, there could be no happy ending. And the fear is just so... raw. Like I could really feel it myself just by reading it, my interest not even for a moment, which is really an accomplishment because usually I get distracted 3 or more times when reading things.
It's really a beautiful oneshot, seriously. Everything's pretty much already been said.
:D

If anything, I think a nice layout would make it look a little bit more attractive?

I felt all the emotion in this one. I feel like her story's real, because so many people are going through that right now. Great job!

Wow, I think this is really interesting, like the other two have said, I love how you've set it in todays economical situation, and I know for a fact as Bernadotte said, people are having to steal etc to survive. I think you've got this spot on really!
I love the way you've written this, it's a brilliant piece.

Okay, so, y'know how much I love your writing and this is basically the icing on a pretty cake. I love how...real this is. In this economy, people are struggling so badly that they're resorting to harmful behaviors such as stealing and lying and cheating - in the money sense of the word; it's so freakin' sad what people are going through right now. I'm glad that my family is in a good financial situation. This really opens my eyes to what people without money go through; though, here there are a ton of homeless people and it just...breaks my heart D:

Just letting you know that i saw sparks said everything that I wanted to x] I also like the contrast between the mom's worries and problems and Benny playing with his chicken nuggets; it made the mood feel a bit lighter, but you're still hit with the shock of what's going on on the outside. Like sparks said, you have a few tiny typos, but it's not something that stops your reading completely. :]

Anyways, this is amazing, just like the rest of your writing. You should be proud of this. Lovely job! <3

First comment, yay!

Overall, I really liked this. I liked the situation you set up because, in this economy, a lot of people are going through this exact same thing. I also enjoyed the contrast between the mom's worries and problems and Benny playing with his chicken nuggets, I thought that worked really well. The range of emotions you shifted from was also brilliant, and I felt as if I were in this woman's mind.

As far as suggestions go, I don't have many, but the idea of her not willing to take pity money didn't click with me. All the mothers I know would do absolutely anything for their kids, so it seems a little off that she won't sacrifice her pride for her son. Also, I'm guessing Fiona is the friend that leant her the car? I was a little foggy on that, so maybe make that a little more clear in that first paragraph where you mention the friend leant her the car. My last suggestion would be to read through this because you have quite a few typos, but that's nothing just reading through the story won't fix =)

Overall, this was a nice oneshot, so good work =D