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This was really cool. The descriptions were really expressive, and the story was intriguing. I think it worked, leaving it as a one-shot, and the last line was really, really good. It was a very solid ending, adding a mysterious, ambiguous element, and giving the reader enough to run off with it.

I think this could be a cool idea. I don't really like the layout much, it isn't attractive to me. I didn't find any spelling or grammar mistakes so there isn't much to critique. The imagery is pretty vivid. I could imagine everything that was happening to her. I was almost scared too.

Actually I found one: my parents room - parent's

Whoa, I couldn't believe they took her dad! This is freakin' crazy and I love it.

That was pretty creepy.

Very original. Well done!

Please go on with this story!! Its amazing., just as amazing as the auther(: i find the shaows sre super creepy! And i want to find out what happened to her dad..how long ago he dissapeared.you know..:)

This is such a cool idea. I really like the plot and your descriptions are awesome. And the Resident Evil references were epic. XD

The layout did give me a bit of a headache though, but I've never been a fan of white text on a black background.

Other than that, I have nothing to say, really. Everything is awesome, I'm excited to see where it goes!

I like this !
Subs*

Oh my god. Dat summary. It reeled me in straight away. You have wonderful detail in this. I can tell it'll be a good story. I love this.

You have a wonderful idea already. The whole Shadows thing is so cool. There's good detail, and it stayed dark. The story itself is dark and you didn't take it away from that. You have good structure, but the grammar is a bit off. The writing is good, but it's the grammar that gets to me.

You have no problem with reeling in readers, as the strong as f*ck summary shows. I guess I didn't really have a problem with this story. I should go to Grammar Nazi Anonymous or something. I'm a bit of a bitch with that stuff.

I do mean it when I say your story is good. You have a good platform and now all you've got to do is continue on, building it further and further into something. Anything you want. Your structure is good, but when you fill it in and put the finishing touches on it, you've got to make sure it's beautiful and strong. Do I make sense? Or am I being a babbling fool again. Ah well.

I loved this. I did. You have a wonderful day now!
Lovely.

I think you have an interesting idea here. You've got a good bit going with the horror theme. I think that they layout could use some refinement but I think that it doesn't take away from the story the way that it is. It is very dark which fits the story perfectly. I like the idea of the dad trying to save her and then the police not believing. It is something that is very real and would honestly happen. Well...the whole disbelieving the child part, not sure about the shadows part. I also liked how the dream ended though it confused me at first until you mentioned the alarm clock. All in all it looks like you have a good horror story start here

I've seen that people have already commented on the layout so I'll just leave it at that.

You're a wonderful writer. The way you described everything was dang beautiful, creepy and very intriguing. (: This idea seems wonderful, nothing like I've read before although, a bit like a movie I saw but I can't remember the name. D:

Oh well, I love this. Great job. <3 (:

The first chapter is a little scary to me. The idea of the Shadows is very interesting -- it was a wonderful and unique idea of being afraid of the dark. I really like how you added what happened to her father when she was a child and what happened afterwards with the therapist; I love how it was a dream. Overall, this is a really good story so far.

You're very good at writing I must say. Your descriptions throughout the chapter we amazing and easy to picture. The emotions you used seemed very real as well.

Although I didn't like the reference to a popular movie in here, but that's just a pet peeve of mine.

The light scene kind of reminded me of The Grudge in a way. xD

The story has potential and sounds like it could get interesting.

The layout isn't the greatest and sort of brought on a headache, but that can be easily changed. :) Your descriptions are extraordinary. The light scene was probably my favorite, to be honest. It was just so. . .fantastic. Characterization is such a beautiful tool and you've perfected it with this piece. This is just brilliant. I loved it. This could develop into an intriguing story. <3

This is good, I like it. I'd like more description, great start. I'm subbing. :)

To start off, the summary is great, but your layout hurts my eyes due to the white on black text. I suggest changing it to either a gray dark gray text or change the background to white and the text to either black or gray. Your first chapter was very exciting, I love how you described the flickering light scene, I can picture it in my head which probably isn't the best thing. You could work on your paragraphs, some need that extra space between them. Other than that this is an epic one-shot/story. I seriously think you could make a really cool story out of this, I'm just sayin' (:

Resident Evil references are awesome, but try to avoid comparing characters with "Looked like [this character/celeberty] except..." adjectives and adverbs are your friends (:

This hit close to home because I love my Daddykins ): Now I'm all squirmy and jittery.

I love the characterization you did with the Frank Sinatra, I love little details like that (:

First of all, I'd like to say that this is an amazing story idea! I've never read anything like it. I didn't find any mistakes and your writing style is fantastic! I hope you continue this, it was really good.

That summary got me hooked--I'm really excited for when you post this.