The Fall of a Kingdom - Comments

I love this.
I personally think this genre needs to be over-written because we are so not used to it.

This really set up a picture in my mind and not many people can conquer this.

-Madd

Thank you for your advice. I will take it into consideration when I write the first chapter.

Good prologue, though I would have liked to seen more really.

Update this soon please?

A little over written here and there but it's really good. You haven't given too much away, and I would advise good description of the characters, even though you have their pictures up. Also, try not to use 'ing' with words. instead of, 'blah blah blah' she said, sitting on the chair, try 'blah blah blah' she said as she sat down on the wooden stool.

Sounds more active, and i think that's what this story needs =)

(a little hint from my creative writing class there)