Drinking - Comments

This bought me to tears

Phew. c: I'm glad I found this, eheh. I mean, I've never read a story by you, and I didn't see on the first page of your stories, so I was all, "Nooooooo, I might not get to read it!" /total despair moment. But then I clicked on the second page and found it and did a little jump for joy, yes ma'am. c: <3 I'm very, very curious about this because I want to see your writing style and what a story with a title like this could possibly pertain to. I'll bet it's something really, really deep. Maybe something about alcoholisim or someone drinking late into the night to quell the monsters wrought of guilt inside them? It's wrong to make assumptions, I know, but I'm just so curious, aha. c: <3

I must admit that I'm not all that fond of the layout. Just a personal taste kind of thing, sorry - but it's still very, very pretty. c: And readable! c: Tha'ts all that matters, really. <3 As long as I can read the amazing words that is your story, I am perfectly fine. <3 I must admit that I am a little nervous. o: This story doesn't seem like a fluffy one at all. It seems deep. Wicked deep and intense and well thought out, aha. The little R.I.P. picture in the corner makes me believe someone's died and the summary? Well, that makes me wonder if someone has either killed or knows why she's dead. Don't get me wrong, I'm still amped to read!c: I can't stand the wait any longerrr. Onward!

The liquid fills my veins until it makes me feel like my blood is slowing.

Just a personal thought; maybe you should add a word to describe the beer before the word liquid? I only thought of this because, not only is detail nice, but I kind of got confused here. It could be that it's very early morning as I read this, or that I'm wicked slow anyways, but I thought you were talking about her tears there. I was like, "What?"o: But then that instant of confusion cleared up and it was all good. c:

Sixteen a weird age to be this fucked up; smoking, cutting, piercing, starving, and drinking..

I don't know why, but this sentence seems kind of off. Maybe try,

Sixteen. A weird age to be this fucked up. Smoking, cutting...

or: Sixteen is a weird age to be this fucked up...

We are all waiting for Azeline, once she gets here,

I would end the sentence after Azeline and then let Once be a whole other sentence. I think it would flow better.

The liquid flavors bitter in taste but sweet in release.

I absolutely love the beatuy in this line, aha. <3 Serisouly poetic, and gorgeous in meaning. <3 Love it.

who losses

Loses*

someone states and I’m the first inside after Rudy. Someone is hugging him outside while I

This got a bit sticky, here. If he went inside, how is someone hugging him outside - if that's the him you're reffering to? Another thing I got confused with was the fact that Azeline was the daughter you'd been talking about earlier. I didn't know that. I was kind of stunned that she arrived in a truck by herself? Is she still seven? I'm not sure, aha. :S I'm sorry I got confused. </3

This story was really and truly beautiful. It broke my heart to bits, yet, I still like how realistic and stunning your detail was. I'm not sure why she died, but I can tell that it doesn't really matter. (Not that she died - her death is something that deserves to be respected - just the fact that there seems to be no reason that I picked up on.) Because the reason she died isn't important, really - not the point of this. The point of this is just like power of justice said - to show how something like this curves the edge of pain and ache. To dull the part of life that holds things in and hurts and just mmmf. I really, really wanted to reach into your words, scoop them out, and hug these characters and you. This story broke my heart, but still, it was well written and amazing. Really. <3It's a good story and I've got to admit I'm shocked it doesn't have more readers or comments. :S Anyways, I hope I didn't sound rude anywhere in this comment for it certainly wasn't my intention. I'm glad you posted this story, I'm glad I got to read it, and I'm glad you submitted it for cooning. <3 c:

Awh, this was sad and it really does highlight the effects of drinking and what it can do to you, it just can fuck you right up and in some cases, do even worse :/ I like how the narrator is so bold in saying things, like she's drinking because Alexis (whom is obviously someone who is very dear to her) is dead and it just shows the lengths to what people would do to numb the pain D; I feel bad for her, but this was a very effective piece, you could just feel the nitty-gritty rawness of it all and it just jumps off the page! Well done!